Saturday, December 31, 2005

*The top 17 highlights of our year 2005*

17. Work out Thursdays. Almost every Thursday 2005.

16. Found Carrie Underwood in New Jersey. January 2005.

15. Winning a $5.25 bet at the Kentucky derby on #2. November 2005.

14. Pushing Little Gold Knightly up the icy first hill on the Echo Trail. November 2005.

13. The Salsa boy…not the dancer. March 2005.

12.Learned in New York that people only smile when they’re coning you; and you should never smile if you’re not coning them. January 2005.

11. Grading the road, yes it was a highlight. May 2005.

10. Building floater floors. May 2005.

9. Found a Liger and a Tigon in Kansas. April 2005.

8. Sending out the Old year by breaking an old sled. 12am January 1st 2005.

7. Taking the planks off, and putting the planks on, the docks 4 times. June 2005.

6. Tuggin the line. Discovered 100 foot pipes are really only 97 feet. May 2005.

5. Mutton Busting. March 2005.

4. Spent a memorable singles awareness day (also affectionately known as S.A.D) alone in the lil’ol blue van. Feb, 14, 2005.

3. The Thunderstorm, also still a great matter of debate even now. April 2005.

2. The second annual cat tail party took place on the Newsy News Letter’s 4th birthday. June 21st 2005.

And the number one all time favorite highlight is...

1. The two and a half bird day. October 2005.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Good Morning!

This is not our dog...

Funny, it didn't seem so small before we put it on the camera.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

><>Merry Christmas<><

Merry Christmas
The Newsy News Letter Staff
And your home at the lake in the middle of the forrest at the bottom of a hill near the two forts.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Dream,


But even that isn’t so bad when you shed some light on the situation…

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

because we have nothing else to say...

Run 2: 11-26-05
Sled: Big Blue
Passengers: 2
Time: 1:03
Snow: Hard
Temperature: 5
Speed: Swift
Number of corners: 4 and 1/2
Number of wipeouts: 0

Comments: Best sled around. Flies straight and solid. The middle child knows first hand it will break any snow bank it comes in contact with. Now taking on all challengers and, or, passengers.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Thursday, December 15, 2005

And the workout of this week is…

Throwing the dog in a snow bank!
It’s both fun and easy!

Unfortunately, this particular workout does take a little bit of energy since most dogs dislike the idea of sailing through the air and into a snow bank. If you would like to avoid that rather annoying consequence of exhausted energy, just train the dog to throw him self in. That’s what we did! Yes indeed, and it’s much better. We here at the newsy news offices disliked the idea of expending energy so much we decided to teach the favorite one eyed mutt to throw himself into the snow bank. As you can clearly imagine, this saved us an enormous amount of time and energy since it eliminated the need for us to chase him down first and then throw him in.

Good dog, great workout, and we are all happy! And just remember, a pocket full of treats goes along way for having a loyal "mans best friend".

Oh, and if you don’t have a dog, don’t despair of being able to do this workout. The dog can easily be replaced by the neighbors cat or any one who happens to be walking by…but because both tend to be more difficult to train, to throw them selves in, than a dog you may need to manually help them into the snow bank. Good luck and happy throwing!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Monday, December 12, 2005

The first recorded sled ride down the hill this year

Test run: 11-25-05
Sled: Little Blue
Passengers: One
Time: Trip not timed
Snow: Hard
Temperature: 0
Speed: Moderate
Number of wipeouts: 0
Comments: Sled was sensitive to weight shift. Touchy steering, turned on a dime must be careful of over turning. Has good potential if it wasn’t for the flat bottom.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

This weeks workout

Sledding down the hill,

Since this workout does not include walking up the hill, you’ll need a friends help to pull you up in the sled.

For the beginner, chose a long straight hill so all you’ll need to do is sit there. Make sure you use the big blue sled.

For the intermediate, chose a long curvy hill. The curves will give your arms exercise while steering around the corners. But if you haven’t worked up to being an intermediate, your arms will not be able to handle the curves and you will get even more exercise when you have to crawl out of the snow bank and right the sled. Use the little blue sled, turns an a dime.

And for the advanced, chose a long, steep curvy hill, and use the little orange sled. The sled is a very important choice for the advanced work out, this particular orange sled does not move on its own free will. Even on the steepest hill you will need to push your self all the way down, naturally this will strengthen your arm muscles and your patience. If you were expecting a faster ride for an advanced sledding workout, use the beginners sled on the intermediate hill; that will give you the advanced sledding experience…this particular piece though was for a workout, not a fast ride.

And for those of you who live where the snow doesn’t fall(may God bless you anyway), we have even thought up a sledding exercise for you!

What you’ll need:
A very steep and grassy hill
1 cardboard box,
1 large plastic bag,(preferably a none rip glad bag)

Place the box in the bag and have a friend carry it to the top of the hill. Place yourself in the box in the bag on the top of the hill. Give yourself a gentle push, not too hard or you’ll start somersaulting, just hard enough to get going. Then hold on for dear life and once you reach the bottom don’t stop, just jump out of the box and keep running because who ever owns the grass on the hill is bound to be a bit upset about all the fun your having.

The newsy news letter staff can not be held responsible for any damages done to either body or sled or hill in the event that any of the above is attempted.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Deep thoughts by Blueberry,

"I went to take a nap...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, December 05, 2005

The riddle...

The middle child was giggling, the youngest child was giggling, the favorite mother was giggling, the favorite father looked grim, the favorite one eyed mutt was running in circles, and the oldest child was no where to be found…why?

Friday, December 02, 2005

Another "best" smell...

The best smell in the world is the smell of a snowmobile running. Unless of course it’s your sister’s sled and your stupid sled wont start…

Thursday, December 01, 2005

News Alert…

This news is 10 minutes old.

We have had the unfortunate honor this morning of witnessing a pack of 8 timber wolves running on the lake in front of the house. They must have been sitting on the point when they decided to go hunting. We of course only looked out at the lake when all the deer started heading for the hills with their bulging eyes, so we may have missed one or two wolves. Two of the wolves appeared to want to climb the banks and run past the house but thought better of it. They all went into the woods half way to the Island, probably to circle back. The deer are now back eating nervously.

Good morning all!
Feed the deer what do you get? Fat Timber wolves…

Sorry we have no pictures, we were all too selfish to leave the window in search of a camera...

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Its what's for breakfast

This was not our breakfast...its just a picture of it.

Oh, the culinary master peices that are baked at the hands of five famished females...

Friday, November 25, 2005


This is a conversation we over heard between two nerdy girls whom we wish we didn’t know so well.

"What language were they speaking? Portuguese?" Said girl one.
"No, they were speaking English." Replied the other confidently.
"Well then I don’t understand very much English because I didn’t understand a word they said." Girl one stated matter of fact.
"I only caught half of what they were saying." Girl two tried to make girl one feel better.
"Oh, really? What were they saying?" Girl one asked the intelligent one.
"I don’t know…" the intelligent one was less confident.
"That’s because they weren’t speaking English!" Girl one bellowed in frustration. And no more was said on the matter.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving…and to the Turkeys good luck

It just occurred to us that no one will be reading the blog today. So we are going to take advantage of the situation and use this opportunity to say what we would never say if every one was reading it.

We bet all you Turkeys sure wish you were Warthogs right about now!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Minnesota, we bid thee farewell.

This post was posted on the right day by the authors who are now far away...or close by depending on where you live…

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Honorable Mentions of the last expedition we were on …well, maybe not honorable…

Shot Gun Girl, normally that would be a title we would envy, however that is not the case today. The girl had a shotgun shell through each ear. We can only think of two possible reasons for why she would have shot gun shells through her ears. Either she finds it more effective to reach up to her ears when reloading her gun quickly than reaching down to her pocket or she was obviously standing too close to the gun when it went off a couple of times…some people just never learn.

The lady with the T-shirt that said, "You say ‘psycho’ like it’s a bad thing".

The man with the T-shirt that said, "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead fingers."

The man who cut his finger on the night of the full moon like the rest of Indiana.

The neighbor boy who kept turning his shirt around like it was a revolving door.

The man who claimed to be Amish just because he wore the right hat and had a beard. Pity he couldn’t speak Dutch…

Debbie Downer….Yes indeed, we met Debbie Downer! Only his name wasn’t really Debbie, and he wasn’t a girl either for that matter…but he was definitely a downer.

The little old lady who wore all her sweaters on the same hot day...and everyday for that matter.

Pull ups boy…that would be the boy who was being frisked by the cops and the cops kindly pulled up his pants for him so they wouldn’t fall down while they were searching his pockets. And to think that was just after the favorite father told the Amish friends how much he wanted to pull...Maybe that’s not ethical for this blog to write about.

The lady who didn’t have time to change out of her towel after her shower…well maybe not lady.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Workout of the week:

Falling down,

Now you might think there is absolutely no exercise value in falling down, and you’re right. The exercise comes when you have to get back up in order to repeat this exercise.

This workout works best when gravity is used...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


While reading other blogs in which a favorite paragraph from a favorite book was used, we felt overwhelmingly inspired with the idea of sharing ours.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters."

And we wonder why we don’t have any neighbors…and are still single too for that matter.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Who's Next?

A vendor, who is well known for calling out "Who's next?" when ever there is no one buying in his booth, was walking by the favorite family’s booth when the favorite father called out to him, in the best Chicago accent he could muster, "Who's next?"
A little boy about 5 years old, who was standing by the booth, thought that was the greatest sentence ever and burst out like an Echo, in an accent only an Indiana boy can master, "Who's next?" Only it came out more like a song and seemed to sound like, "Whooooo's Neaaxt?"

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


This blog has been placed on pause by the authors.

The rumors surrounding this sudden action are as follows:
They’ve gone gallivanting…They broke all their fingers and none of them know how to tell someone else how to write what’s in their empty heads…they’ve found brothers and are eloping...the FBI finally found them and all the hidden files…Or even better, they are suffering from writer’s block and think it can be cured in a southern state…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah aha ah ah aha ha ah aha hahahah hee hehe…that can’t be it…

Monday, October 10, 2005

Young One Eye…

The youngest child was sitting beside the favorite mother on the couch eating a cheese stick while young one eye watched hungrily from his seat beside her. The favorite mother reached over and covered young one eyes eye so he couldn’t see the youngest child eat. Unfortunately, she mistakenly covered the missing eye and young one eye was unfazed in his drooling.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Old business

During one of the first fire meetings the youngest child attended she was lucky enough to be a part of the following conversation, you will see why she continues to go.

The fire fighters were discussing old business.
"Someone needs to call the carpenter about putting in a new door." The assistant chief brought up the obvious.
"I already did, he said he’d get it done as soon as the door is shipped in." The secretary reassured.
"When was that?" The chief asked.
"A few weeks ago." The secretary answered again, being, after all the only person who knows anything.
"Must be a shortage of doors going on." The captain/clown injected. He then jabbed the safety officer in the ribs as he added. "We should start a door business; probably be good money right now with the shortage huh?"
"You bet! Wonder what’s caused it." The safety officer commented in bafflement.
"It’s them cops!" Came a grumpy answer from someone who would know, "They keep bashing in all the doors." This, surprisingly enough, effectively ended the door shortage debate.

Friday, October 07, 2005

College courses

It is odd, that in a house full of graduated college, eur well, graduates, a dog should be placed in our midst who seems to have an abundance of enthusiasm for the improvement of his mind. Whenever the favorite mother says, "Do you want to take some college courses." the favorite one-eyed mutt runs circles around her and slobbers in such a happy manner that the favorite mother is compelled to say it over and over again. This in turn makes the one-eyed mutt so dog wild that he randomly runs into things on his blind side. Now for amusements sake, our favorite past time most evenings and especially around suppertime is bringing up "college courses."

And so that is how college reentered the everyday conversation of two post college anti-knowledge syndromed girls…Ha ha there was a cure!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

what the middle child has to put up with every day...

Youngest Child: "What did the one math book say to the other math book?"
Middle child: "I have a lot of problems."
Youngest child: "Sorry to hear that middle child. Want to talk about it?"

Friday, September 30, 2005

Another one for the Texas Grandma

The oldest child had just come home from town when she walked in on her two silly sisters complaining about gas keeping friends away.
"Well, no one comes to visit me either." The favorite Texas grandma said, trying to make them feel less abandoned.
"You have friends coming to visit today grandma." The oldest child contradicted bluntly.
"I do?" Grandma was all astonishment.
"Yeah," The oldest child went on while every one stared in surprise, "I past at least two cars going 30mph in a 50 zone. They must be coming to see you. Probably be here in a few hours."

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The Day Before Yesterday

The favorite Texas grandma got lost...well, the favorite family couldn’t find her anyway, so she might as well have been lost. The favorite Texas grandpa brought her home from golfing a few hours after her disappearance was discovered, reports have been confirmed that he was the driver of the get away car as well as her partner in crime. The favorite Texas Grandma now knows better than to leave the happy place with out telling someone.

Monday, September 26, 2005

A grouse fell off a log and disappeared leaving nothing but his feathers.

We have come up with two possible explanations to what might have happened to the unfortunate bird.

1. A hunter shot the bird on a log in the woods off a road. It completely disintegrated because the gun was too big.

2. Two silly girls were hunting. They shot the bird in the woods off a road. They cleaned the bird leaving nothing but feathers and set the carcass up on a log as a decoy. They then giggled the whole way home.

Perhaps both explanations are needed to fully explain what happened on the log that day.

Friday, September 23, 2005

We’ve begun our trap line

By our calculations, we should have enough mouse skins for a fur coat in about 100 years.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Workout of the week:

Begging the question

To do this workout properly you must ask a question with out using a question mark. And since the only time we were ever capable of doing this workout was when we were in college, we will not try to coach you on how to do it. Just practice it a bit while we do the same.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A good question.

*Why is today a special day?

A. It’s the first day of fall
B. The oldest child is here
C. It’s the middle child’s birthday
D. It’s the youngest child’s birthday
E. It's not really a special day at all
F. All of the above

*Hint, there are only three right answers…

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Did you smell that?

The best smell in the world is the scent of gunpowder on opener day...unless of course it comes from someone else’s gun.

"Someday we'll get our chance, we just got to keep our eyes open."

Friday, September 16, 2005

inaccurate facts from our garden

If you leave a cucumber on the vine long enough, it will turn into a watermelon.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

This weeks workout:

Squaring the crowd
You will need a crowded place for this work out.

Ever wonder how some people get trampled in a crowd, while others seem to have the ability to make the crowd split. It can all be summed up and explained in one word: Posture. Walk with one shoulder slightly lower than the other, the crowd will shove and you will find you need to turn side ways to avoid crashing into inconsiderate and rude people. Next try squaring your shoulders and walk in a straight line. Look straight ahead, you should be able to see the crowd split before your very eyes.

Naturally some restrictions do apply as this doesn’t work if other people are not looking where they are going, stoped and not moving, or walking crossways with a list. And watch out for strollers, more than one crowd squarer has been taken out by an innocent looking stroller. But don’t let that scare you, all workouts required some sacrifice, and sometimes the sacrifice just happens to be the knees.

Just remember, stay alert and walk straight.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Did you know?

This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because
This is the blog that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people started reading it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because

Friday, September 09, 2005

How to tell if your grass is weeds

First find a nice patch of green questionable looking grass. Next, take a weed killer and spray it on the suspicious looking grass. If the grass turns brown, it was weeds; if it dosen't, well that’s down right surprising...the spray is probably defective.

We tried this out last spring. Most of our lawn was weeds but they’ve grown back now and every thing is green again. We’ve decided to keep the weeds, but at least now we know it’s not grass.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

***Our 100th post!***

For our 100th post we thought we’d do a newsy news trivia question to see how well our fans know us.

The question is:
Who is the middle child?
A. the oldest child,
B. the favorite brother,
C. the middle child,
D. the youngest child, or
E. all of the above.

Think carefully about all the answers and choose the best one. Answering this question is enough of a workout for this week.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Morning Breath

That’s right! The Morning Breath is blooming at last! For those of you who don’t know, last spring we planted Morning Glory and Babies Breath together. We had hoped to create a new plant we could call Morning Breath. And you heard it here first that we were successful.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

A special thing

While the middle child and the youngest child were on a walk, they were fortunate enough to witness with their very own eyes the elusive "dance of the ants."

What an honor.

Friday, September 02, 2005

How the favorite Texas grandma was persuaded

For the purpose of not having to write "the favorite Texas grandma" over and over we shall refer to her as Grandma for this blog.

The youngest child and Grandma had just finished cleaning a cabin in record time when Grandma commented,
"What on earth are we going to do for the rest of the day?"
The youngest child, who does not often think, replied much to her own horror, "There’s some trees I was thinkin of cutting down this afternoon." The youngest child would much rather have kept that a secret.
Grandma raised her eyebrows and stared down the youngest child with a look that everyone else would have known meant, "tell all, or else".
The youngest child returned the look with her own annoying habit of always appearing to not get it.
"Cut it down with what?" Grandma asked with an authoritatively demand and high voice.
The youngest child’s blank stare hid all feelings of panic as she mumbled in all logic, "The chainsaw."
"Not while I’m here you wont!" Grandma heroically held her ground. Just then the middle child called all the attention to a different problem and the discussion was over much to the youngest child’s relief.

Two hours later, Grandma brought the subject up again while taking her two naughty grandchildren on a walk.
"You weren’t really going to use the chainsaw were you girls?" Grandma did well to not sound patronizing while deliberately including the middle child in a discussion she had not been apart of. She had high hopes of appealing to a level head.
"Sure, we need to practice, in case one goes down on the road." The youngest child explained in her twisted logic.
"Yeah, then we won’t be as shaky when the pressure is on." The middle child sided with the youngest child much to Grandma’s dismay.
"Well, just don’t do it while I’m here." Grandma stated again to put an end to it.
"But we’d much rather do it while you’re here to help if something goes wrong, rather than when its just the two of us, Grandma." The youngest child said uncomfortingly to Grandma. It was, however, enough to silence her on the subject.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

To days workout is.

Throwing on a sweatshirt.

After picking the sweatshirt up off of the floor, you must shake out the wrinkles and the bugs, this exercises the arm muscles. Then grab it by the bottom and toss it high in the air. At the same time it is in the air throw your arms straight up and wait for it to land perfectly over your head, this exercises your patience.

If it falls to the ground, repeat as necessary.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

No title

Until the middle child and the youngest child can each form an original thought on their own, they will not be allowed to play together.

The Newsy News Staff

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Enough of the domestic stuff!

The longer the favorite parents are away, the more knives get put on the middle child and youngest child’s belts. These belts are no longer able to hold up the pants. In fact, suspenders are now needed to hold up the belts.

Monday, August 29, 2005

How to make blueberry muffins,

Take package out of the box and follow the directions. For best results, do not allow the youngest child to crack the eggs or help at all for that matter.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

"we ate some cookies"

"…and then we went to the pond but the flowers are all nasty odd petaled little thing because the fish aren’t biting and the rocks aren’t flat on all sides so the vacuum cleaner kept rolling over and it was so annoying pulling it around like a dumb dog when the paddle boat got swamped in the waves mother laughed father shook his head because there was no comment so we decided to go back to bed again…"

Our conclusion on the matter above, "It is good to nap on occasion."

Friday, August 26, 2005

Oh boy, here’s another one we forgot.

This blog post is dedicated to one of our reoccurring friends whose golden birthday was last Friday, we don’t claim to always remember, but we sure can claim to always forget.

We have decided here at the newsy office that if we bought gifts for everyone’s birthday, instead of just dedicate this thoughtful blog to them, our piggy banks would be empty instead of just our heads.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

This weeks ultra workout.

This week we are giving you a choice for your workout. You can either follow the middle child around all day for your workout or you can follow the youngest child.

If you choose to follow the middle child, who answers the phone and checks on the youngest child all day, we feel we must warn you that she has a cold and makes frequent trips to the bathroom to blow her nose. She also sits down on the couch to rest for a while whenever she passes it.

On the other hand, the youngest child runs around in circles for a while before tossing a few rocks and then she thinks, about mowing lawn, for the rest of the day. However, she also makes frequent trips to the refrigerator for snacks and takes many coffee breaks with lots cookies.

Both the middle child and the youngest child offer great workouts if you can some how mange to avoid the middle child’s couch rest and the youngest child’s snacks…

The choice is yours, and on second thought, in light of the mental workout making that decision would give you, we think you’ve already worked out quite enough for the day…take the rest of the day off and have a cookie on the couch.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

For our favorite cousin whose birthday is today.

We bet you thought we forgot about your birthday! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha…like we could forget! ha ha ha ha ha hmm…hee...scary how well you know us.

Oh well, here’s to another year of camping, hiking, canoeing and doing all the silly little things we like to do. And just for your birthday we posted twice today...

For the oldest child

This is an explanation to what may have been unclear in the newsy news letter. We hope it helps clear somethings up. But since we only had one complaint about the vagueness of our discription of our friends, perhaps this is not needed at all...oh well here it is anyway.

The middle child and the youngest child had hot chocolate so thick the spoons stood straight up. Now you might be wondering why anyone would make hot chocolate so thick that even a sugar loving tongue threatens to push it back out, but remember, this is the middle child and youngest child we are talking about. Their reason for such torture is very justifiable in a twisted way. They were pretending they were each other’s friend. So each one had a friend over which equaled two friends and then with the middle child and the youngest child all together they were four. Naturally four people would drink four cups of hot chocolate. They skipped the two extra cups of water and went straight for the extra chocolate. By the time the favorite parents came home the middle child and the youngest child were suffering greatly from their happy time as each others friend.

Monday, August 22, 2005

The most important question so far!

Seriously, what is the main difference between a cheeseburger and a hamburger?

Now, take your time answering this, the answer may not be as obvious as you think.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

As we were saying...

Because we are not sure of the delicate constitutions of the people who read this blog, we are not going to say what we wanted to say today. Just let it rest. Have a good one anyway.


the poor little middle child and youngest child, who were left home again.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

This weeks workout.

The eye workout.

First open your eyes, blink twice, hold them open, wider, wider, hold, hold, a little bit longer, ok now you can blink again.

Repeat as often as you want.

Monday, August 15, 2005

How do you like them onions?

That’s right! Our onions are beginning to grow! Unfortunately it’s the ones in the nylons that are growing and not the ones in the ground. Funny how the green hairy growth coming out of the nylons looks just like certain other legs we know.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Great debate

What does a mud ball, a flower, and the middle child all have in common?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Virus warning,

Warning for all singles:

There is a nasty virus going around. All singles please use extreme caution in venturing out doors. Wear old ugly stinky cloths, as this seems to be the best defense against this nasty virus. The virus seems to break out mostly on weekends. Apparently, last weekend, the virus was at the highest peak its ever been at. Our very own favorite air force cousin was struck with this virus. And there are two other known cases in the surrounding area, quite possibly more. There seem to be no limits to who it may stike. We cannot stress enough the necessity of using every precaution against this virus that is so disrupting to our social circle. We are so sorry we were not more prompt with this breaking information of the virus of matrimony. Consider yourself warned and take care.

And congratulations to those who already have the virus...we guess.

Monday, August 08, 2005

One for the experts

Dear fishing expert,

How can I keep my tackle box from smelling like French fries?

Honest Enquiry

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Welcome Home! And happy workout!

Sing this song all day long for your workout in honor of our favorite Air Force Cousin…who is coming home for a little while.

Note: this is a cousin’s version of the song, When Johnny Comes Marching Home.
attributed to Patrick S. Gilmore, 1863; some words have been changed by the silly cousins 2005.

When Johnny comes flying home again,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
We'll give him a hearty welcome then
Hurrah! Hurrah!
The family will cheer and the cousins will shout
That one girl she will come running out
And we'll all feel gay,
When Johnny comes flying home.

The old church bell will peal with joy
Hurrah! Hurrah!
To welcome home our darling boy
Hurrah! Hurrah!
What silly cousins they will say
With giggles we will have our day,
And we'll all feel gay
When Johnny comes driving home.

Get ready for the Jubilee,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
We'll give our cousin three times three,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
The silent woods are ready now
To be the stage of his grandest bow
And we'll all feel gay
When Johnny comes hiking home.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

We are sorry

There is no way to say this gently so we’ll just come right out with it. It has been officially brought to our attention that our happy place is not Camelot…we realize this comes as a shock and please understand that we do not come to this conclusion easily. Our suspicions for believing our selves previously deceived all started yesterday when a slight wetness began to fall from the sky. Simple wetness falling from the sky is generally not enough for us to change our grand opinion of our happy place. But alas, this morning after the dawn we woke up to more of it confirming our worst fears. Since it no longer only rains here after sunset, we are convinced we no longer live in Camelot. We hope this doesn’t change the opinion of the masses too much in ill favor.

We do apologize for being so thoroughly mistaken. Now we merely consider our happy place as the hot uncomfortable place Hawaii.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A disturbing affair

Along the Echo trail one of the most common sights is the aluminum cans scattered hither and yon. An amazing amount of these cans are beer cans. There is one every two miles leading us to believe they are being thrown out as soon as they are emptied. Our rather natural, and yet scary, conclusion on the matter is people are drinking and driving while on our road!

And perhaps of more importance is the fact that there are parties going on (and on our road) that we are not invited to.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Every one needs 409!

This weeks work out for two:

For the beginner: Making a bed.
For the intermediate: Making two beds.
For the advanced: Making all the beds.

Now making beds may not be the most strenuous thing you can think of for exercise, but it is an art form that requires controlled movement and uses just about every muscle.

Using your hands palm side down gently pat the wrinkles out of the mattress pad.
Grab one corner of a bottom sheet with both hands and softly toss it up in the air, maintaining a tight grip on one corner at all times. The sheet should fluff up and billow out on its way down landing perfectly on top of the bed.
Next take a top sheet, (which should have been folded square) and repeat what you did with the bottom sheet. The top sheet should land, if you do it exactly how we tell you, perfectly on top of the bottom…never mind the rumples, you probably didn’t pat the mattress pad out just right.
Next the light blanket (or, for more advanced bed makers and colder weather, a heavy blanket) should be laid across the bed on top of the top sheet. Tuck in any extra blanket overhanging at the foot of the bed, be sure to square the corners….if you do not know how to square the corner, find some one who does immediately, do not proceed with the next steps until at least two corners of the bed have been squared.
Then the bed spread goes on. Now, this takes a little more precision, make sure it is centered on the bed so that the same over hangs on both sides. Make sure there is just enough on the bottom so that it hides the unsightly box spring and yet does not drag. All of the extra bedspread that can not be left at the bottom should be pulled to the top and folded back down.
Lay two pillows on top of the folded back bed spread.
Lay one pillowcase on each pillow.
Then fold the folded bed spread back up rolling the pillows with it until they are sitting nicely at the head of the bed under the bed spread.
Miraculously the pillowcases will put them selves on the pillow’s as they are being rolled in the bed spread.

Please don’t try all three levels on the same day.
Results not typical.
Do not try this at home...or at work.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

The workout of this week is:

We are going to do the Winnie the Pooh workout this week….at least what we think we remember of it.

Up, down,
Touch the ground,
In the mood for food,
Short, stout,
Round about,
In the mood for food.

Just keep saying that over and over and doing the actions all day…

Monday, July 18, 2005

Our motto:

As spoken by the middle child,

"We don’t share our snickers and we don’t swim with strangers…"

Thursday, July 14, 2005

This weeks workout…

Workout? It’s too hot to be working out! Go back to where you were sitting and take another break. Maybe later in the cool of evening you could take the dog for a w-a-l-k, but only if it cools way down and you feel like moving.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The vanity of man

We’ve been thinking with kind fondness of the vainest man we ever saw. It was in PA at the end of a long show that the youngest child had the pleasure of smiling at a vain man whom other girls had obviously smiled at before. The youngest child smiled, he looked into her eyes and scowled such a scowl that would make any other girl burst into uncontrollable tears. Not so the youngest child, at his scowl her grin broadened until she was giggling; then she told the middle child and they both laughed heartily. The rest of the show was spent with bouts of giggles as the memory reoccurred.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

We too shall laugh...later

Well, the favorite mother sure is getting her bouts of laughter…if you know what we mean…

Friday, July 08, 2005

The most difficult work out so far,

We have been camping for a while so bear with us as we try to redirect our errant thoughts back to working out on this fine Thursday morning. Just because we’ve been camping without a watch doesn’t mean we’ve lost all sense of time.

This weeks workout is…Laughing.

Now, this is no time for hee hee heeing…this is the time for full scale ha ha ha haing! For this workout to be effective you must use all the air that is in your lungs and you must make noise. If you are not laughing out loud, you are not doing it right. Make a Hyena like noise. If you feel a little self conscious about that, feel free to lock yourself in a closet or better yet go into a deep forest while doing it. But be careful about making wolf like noises if you are in the woods, just keep it to the ha ha’s as loud as you can and until all the air in your lungs is completely gone. This will strengthen stomach muscles as you force the last of your air out…this workout is not recommended as a solitary workout as passing out may occur when all the air has been expelled.

Don’t feel awkward about laughing with out a reason. Think of it this way, if you’re laughing at nothing, that’s funny so then you have something to laugh at…and something funny is happening somewhere in the world at every moment and we even dare say second…Is it your fault you’re not there?

Always remember, a laugh a day keeps the grumps away…

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Work clothes….

Specifically, work jeans.

Description of article being discussed: Holes in the knees and butt or pockets. Stains from paint, mud, grass or any other type of colorful ugliness. Fraying edges every where. Distinct fading from blue to gray all over.

You can buy yourself a nice new pair of old jeans at your local clothing store. However, if you would like a quality pair without the extra cost of buying it from a store, contact us and we can get you your very own pair for the cost of one hour hard labor and what ever jeans you are wearing. Serious enquiry’s only please…

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

This is not what you thought...

They had a thought,
But then they forgot,
So we’re convinced it was not,
A thought that they had thought.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

The workout of the week,

Ditching the road.
What you’ll need,
A dirt road,
Hard rain,

This workout is a lot like the raking workout except that this workout should be done outside and only during a rainstorm. * Starting at the top of the hill, follow the natural route of the water and gently rake dirt in the direction you want the water to go. Continue working your way down the hill leaving small ditches on the road that will act as speed bumps during dry weather and are also a good way to gather parts from new cars as they are rattled off. Pay no attention to the cars backed up waiting to get through while you work. If it is lightning out please use extreme caution. Perhaps it would be best to not use a metal rake in such cases, and try not to point the end of the rake straight up into the air as this could act like a lightning rod. Be careful and enjoy your wet workout.

*This workout shouldn’t need to be done if the road is graded properly. However, if your road is dirt and you have two novice’s grading it, this will, on occasion, need to be done; usually in the middle of the night.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Happy very belated B-day

To the oldest child from far far away. We can't believe we forgot for two whole days to blog about how happy we are to say happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear oldest child, happy birthdy to you! See, now look how happy we are! We can't believe we missed two whole days of such easy joy!

The Newsy News Letter Staff.

Can you believe how hard the favorite mother laughed at yesterdays blog? There were no comments.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Did You Know?

Mayflies can fly faster than a six horse motor....

But then... since when can a six horse motor fly?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Work this out of the week:

As you may or may not have noticed from the title, this is the workout day of the week.

We were having some indecisivness (caused no doubt by the very late night) over what should be this weeks workout. The choices were, visiting family far far away, mowing lawn, beating biting dogs, or sailing. But since the very ordeal of making this decision is so difficult for such hot weather, we have decided that making a decision was enough workout for us this morning.

For this workout you will need to make one decision today. Don't stress to hard about, unless of course you've reached the intermeadeate, then go ahead and make a diffficult decision. Your decision can range from whether or not to get out of bed, what to wear, say hi to a friend or not, comment or not, blog at all, or even doing this weeks workout will in fact be doing this work out. If you decide not too, well, the decisions been made, its already too late.

Be careful not to over do this workout, we don't want anyone to get burned out.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

just so you know

We have decided that we are not going to blog today...We’re way too busy celebrating the longest day of the year!

Monday, June 20, 2005

What is that smell?

While raking the road like beach, the middle child and the youngest child could not get over a horrible smell that seemed to follow them with the gusty wind. The first thought in their little heads was "Is it the end of the month already?" The second thought was naturally a justification thought that went something like, "must be all the hot weather." But really we don’t think it was those, rule of thumb goes never blame yourself when there’s a dog that could be blamed first but there was no dog. Any information on what it could be would be of great help to us. Other wise we will have to go swimming.
It was certainly not the mayflies!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Happy anniversary to the favorite Texas grandparents!

A tale of two toilets:

However, as we’ve already established, we don’t clean and tell. But we’re not above writing what we aren’t saying.

Over lunch, the middle child, the favorite parents and the oldest child all protested the youngest child’s detailed description of the two toilets she had just cleaned. Feeling wordy at that moment she was very disconcerted over the lack of eager ears. With all the pressure from the repressed toilet words bursting in her head it was very hard for the youngest child to refrain from bloging about them. As you can see though, we were successful in our repression.

Just imagine this: Cleaning a bathroom without gloves and then eating pizza without a fork.

Friday, June 17, 2005

For the one whose Birthday is today, you know who you are.

Coming soon, June 21, 2005 the second annual cattail party. Hosted by yours truly the Middle child and the Youngest child. All are invited, so mark it on your calendars. We'll be runnin round the woods all day, and generally celebrating the longest day of the year.

For those of you who think we do nothing all day but go gallivanting, you are absolutely right. We have found that if you, "find a job you love to do you'll never have to work a day in your life."

For a picture of a broken toe (the favorite mothers no less!) Go to our happy place 2005 page, notice the discoloration of the toenails? Yes indeed, poor dear.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The workout of the week is:

Carrying cases of pop.
This work out is not for the faint of heart. You will need two 12 pack cases of pop(any brand will do, they all weigh the same). With one pack on either side of you, bend at the knee and pick them up with your fingers. Lift straight up, lifting with your legs while your arms continue to stretch down toward the floor. Make sure you stuffed your fingers in the case as far as they would go (so you can’t get them out) to prevent the fingers from slipping out and the big toes from dodging. Okay, now walk to the car, or the fridge or where ever it is you want the cases of pop to reside permanently. Do not repeat this work out once you’ve moved them, once is quite enough for a workout, now take a break…or better yet, take the rest of the day off on us!

If a twelve pack of pop is too much, just start with one can and work your way up, be sure not to do it all in one day though. Working your way up from one to twelve should take about 12 days. Don’t forget to reward yourself for a good workout by drinking a can.

For the extremely advanced workout, try carrying two 24 packs, the extreme workout should never be attempted while alone.

Another helpful hint is if your trying to carry a lot of cans all at the same time, it’s a good idea to drink a couple of them so you have more free hand space. You’ll still be carrying the same amount of weight and they’ll all make it to the right place, some of them will just be in a different container.

Motto of the workout is: "We may not have a six pack, but that doesn’t mean we can’t carry a twelve."

This work out builds finger muscles, and tones back. This work out will not build a six pack (no mater how much you drink) side affects may include long arms, droopy shoulders, odd gait. Discontinue workout if the droopy shoulders persist for longer than one hour.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

business as usual

We fear, due to our lack of writing this past week, that our fans might think we are going through a common case of lackadaisical*, which usually occurs to us after the hype of a new thing is over. Please be not alarmed for this is not the case. We have merely been out of order and in utter chaos in a different town than we are normally found in. We do believe we’ve done ourselves proud with the conquest of said town though.

Please, all gather for business is now as usual…

As you may have noticed we have our own Lexicon going on here. Perhaps each week we can let you in on our very own new word of the week.

*Lackadaisical- an expression of regret; *lack of interest *; listless.

Monday, June 13, 2005

We're back...

Yet, your punishment was so severe upon us that we don't know what to say.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Pity Party

Dearest fans,

With regret we must inform you that we will be out of order(and possibly uncontrollable) for a good portion of the week. So welcome to the Newsy News blog pity party. This pity party is for you since you wont receive a how to do something or a workout this week. Please do not assume we leave you for other friends, indeed it is not so. We have no other friends. We merely leave for the west to annoy family for a while...not a vacation by any means, for what rest is possible for the annoying? So with that in mind we hope you will not lament our absence overly much…we are doing the work of the younger siblings; be proud of us for doing our just duty.

Feel free to post a comment over how much you miss us...or lament together over the shared loss you all now have in common. Or if you would rather try to punish us for doing the good work of annoying people, feel free to not comment at all. It is a pity party after all, and you can do as you wish.

The Newsy News Staff, the middle child , and the youngest child

Monday, June 06, 2005

For the Favorite brother who does not read this blog…

Yesterday the middle child and the youngest child cleaned out their tackle boxes. They kept getting snags. All their favorite lures can now be found at the bottom of the lake.

Hey brother, we discovered an effective way to get lures out of trees, you can now come fishing with us without fear of losing some that’a’way.

The baby dragonflies are being born and the deer are beginning to hatch.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Freezers, skeeters, and smells

Too the oldest child, who doesn't feel so swell.

Now, we're not the type that would clean and tell, but sometimes there are just such instances that are worthy of note, and even worthy of breaking our own rules. There are some story's just begging to be told but due to the graphic nature of some of those stories, they are reserved for bed times and campfires...both of which we attend alone. But here is a story for the oldest child who wished she was here; we also wished you were here dear, for the kitchen has never been our domain.
There was a smell coming from the freezer. Such a strong smell, it took the youngest child three tries to get close enough to look inside of it. The middle child gave the cabin kitchen a wide birth under the disguise of doing something that resembled cleaning. Back to the rather note worthy smell though. The youngest child, through eyes squirting tears from such an effluvium, looked high and low inside the empty freezer. All she found was a small slowly decaying mosquito. "Ah, ha!" she exclaimed much to her regret as she breathed in a lung full of dead mosquito smell. She hastily removed the little corps but found much to her dismay the smell had not lessened. She grabbed her dishcloth and began to scrub where the little beast had breathed his last, but to no avail; it still stunk! Finally she came to the conclusion that any cabin cleaner would come to, she needed more soap. Gallons of dish soap later, the smell was gone and the three over enffluviumized victims could work in peace.

For all you people who think trapping skeeters in the refrigerator is a worthy hobby, we have one thing to say, "That really stinks!"

We here at the newsy news office do here by disclaim all responsibilities for the over exaggerated chemically induced description above. We choose to ignore other details, such as leeches being left in the fridge, as being the cause of the effluvium. Everyone knows skeeters stink!

Saturday, June 04, 2005

uninspired title

We here at the newsy news offices are most inspired to write when we are cleaning cabins. With that in mind we leave you now for inspirations sake...

Friday, June 03, 2005

Come dine with us...

The table was set to perfection, the steak knives were sharp, the meat was tender. The usual subjects were covered, with the few exceptions which always avoid high society. And all eight ate the right way....well six out of eight ain't bad. The meal was all most over when the youngest child glanced across the table at the favorite parents, Texas Grandparents, and Aunt and Uncle. They were all(if you can believe it) using their knives correctly, eating each piece in an artistic, elegant way. While the middle child and the youngest child used fork and finger, while their arms flapped like a chickens.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The work out of the week is:

this work out is so easy, its considered to be child's play to some. Go to your local park(if you don't have a swing in your yard) and run straight for the swing set. Chase off any little kids before you sit down on one. Okay, now, starting at a still position, hold your legs up and straight out in front of you, keeping them off the ground at all times(to make it funner, pretend the ground is hot lava and if you touch it you get burned and lose). Anyway, without touching the ground pull your legs under the swing, this should cause the swing to, well, swing. If it doesn't, you've done something wrong and should probably call the nearest swing support unit before going any farther with this work out. If your swing does, well, swing correctly continue repeating for five minutes or until you can't feel your legs anymore, or until you feel nauseous.

If this workout is too hard, have someone push you on the swing while you go through the motions written above.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

When the flowers bloom

This morning a heavenly smell greeted the middle child and the youngest child the moment they walked out the door. They glanced around in search of the flowers that surly must have bloomed over night since the air had not been so sweet the night before. Seeing none, the middle child and the youngest child searched high and low, near and far, for the flowers. They found none, but the scent stayed with them where ever they went leading them to believe that flowers were always near. Such a wonderful smell can not exist with out a source, so they continued to contemplate all possible causes. Finally, while they were both raising their arms to hang sheets, they realized the very lack of effluvium was the cause of natural wonderful smells finally reaching their noses. Yes, it is as you suspected, they finally showerd for this month.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Tis over...

We are happy to announce that our week of depression is almost officially over...pending a cup of coffee. After much discussion we feel a little better, good even perhaps.

Until tomorrow we leave you with one last thought:

The best way to clean fish is to let someone else do it.

Friday, May 27, 2005

This weeks work out is:

Since we couldn’t bring ourselves to get out of bed for yesterdays’ workout posting, we are giving it to you a day later than what is usually found here at the newsy news site.

(The following should be read in the depressing tone in which we wrote it)
Just try again to get out of bed. If you already are out of bed that’s a good sign. Try to eat your breakfast too, but if you can’t we understand. If you want to go back to bed that’s fine too…at least you got up once.

The week should be getting a little better, at least Carrie won.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The Grand Apology

We apologize for our three days sulking. The Stars Wars blurp depressed our brains so much we’ve been in a miserable fog. There might be an alternative ending coming soon to this blog only. For now just know we’re doing our best to lighten heavy hearts for the sake of our fans….Thanks for being there for us…

Effluvium-a disagreeable vapor or smell.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Star Wars, See It We Did.

If you haven't seen the new episode of Star Wars this may ruin it for you...but then again, it ruins itself. After contemplating the movie for 2 hours after it was over, we think we've thought of it all. Our only problem with it can be easily resolved with the answers to a few simple questions,

Why is the Sith never mentioned in the last three movies of Star Wars?

Why do Anakin and Obi-Wan never mention their last encounter in the next three movies?

How could Leah have a memory of her mother being very beautiful but always sad, if her mother died in child birth?

Why didn't Obi-Wan put Anakin out of his misery? He left his mission incomplete.

How could Padme completely lose all her strength of character between this movie and the last?

Since when does Darth Vader cross his arms?

If Anakin has such a strong mind why is he so easily persuaded against every thing he was taught?

How does Anakin go from regret of killing a fellow Jedi, to pledging allegiance to the dark side and slaughtering younglings?

How can Natalie Portman win an Oscar in a movie if she's barely in it?

Oh, and were we the only ones who found it funny the way the babies were taken into the adoptive families? It seemed a little storkish to us. The Baby Delivery services "Hey, dear, the baby's delivered!"

And where have all the flowers gone?

Friday, May 20, 2005

What was that?

"Believe it or not, its unbelievable..."

Yes indeed! We actually heard a news woman say that last night on the news. Can you believe that? Personally we think its unbelievable...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Happy Birthday favorite singing cousin!

For your birthday, we wanted to give you something special, but nothing too far fetched or over the top. After much debate and thoughtful contemplation we have decided to share with you a little peice of our he is. Somethings may have been lost in the translation but isn't he a dream?

/ _ _ / <b> <d> \\ b //
\ aha /
/ / \ / \,,,,I I,,,,,/

\ I I /
\ I I /
\ I________I /
I n I
I / \ I
( ) ( )
\ / \ /
\ / \ /

BaaaZ ZaaaB

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

How to go catching...

During a recent study done by the newsy news staff, we have discovered three sure ways of catching fish...ways of such success they are guarenteed to work with out fail.

1. Cast your line(where ever) and make sure you get a big knot in it. A knot so big and complex, there is no way this side of sunshine you'll ever get it out. Then you'll catch a fish...usually right when your hold on the pole is the most distracted.

2. Read a very nerve racking book, at the most intense part you will catch a fish, but you wont notice because the book is too intense and you're sweating into your eyes.

3. Fish all day, starting at 6am. Just after lunch, when you are bored and tired of not catching a thing you may feel inclined to take a little nap. Its okay to nap, but be sure to have a tight grip on your pole, tie it to your arm if need be, because as soon as you start to snore your pole will take a dive to the bottom of the lake.

We hope these tips will work as well for you as they did for us.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Should we or shouldn't we?

We here at the newsy news office are in a quandary. We have recently been privileged enough to see a new commercial of the new Star Wars. Unfortunatly, this commercial brought us so near to tears we are now considering not seeing it in a theater. Our reasoning is this: We don't like crying in public, its not a pretty sight, our eyes get puffy, our noses turn red, and our cheeks get blotchy. With our Star Wars costumes on we feel we'd be too much of an eye sore to be seen in public. However, no permanent decisions have been made. If you see two girls all dected out in Leah type attire with red, puffy, blotchy face's you can safely assume we were there...unless of course they were imposters!

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Use this word in a sentence(if you dare) before looking it up in the dictionary. Oh, and for our amusment, write the sentence in the comments part. That way we can all have a giggle at the expense of the word.

Hey, is that a effluvium in here?

Friday, May 13, 2005

Our little tests

We have some simple tests here at the Newsy News Offices that we run on every post to see if it is effective or just plain silly. The first one is right after it is written the editor reads it and if she giggles, says "what", or rolls her eyes, it is deemed effective. Then the post is published and two more tests are done. The favorite Father reads it, if he reads it quickly and says nothing, its not bad. If he reads it slowly and comments, well, its not good. But he's not usually available for the tests. The next test is when the favorite Mother reads it. If she laughs harder at the 0 comments part of the post, we go back to bed and try again the next day.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Work out of the week,

Hanging clothes on the line.
This work out was developed for its over all body toneing technique. The arms gain mucle by lifting a heavy basket; the constant sqeezing of clothes pins gives the hand muscle somthing to do, and the constant bending over and picking up promotes flexibility and strengthens side muscles.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The best way to remove dirt from under the finger nails,

If you've been working in the dirt without gloves or, like the youngest child, wear the gloves but fill them with dirt first because its "funner that way" you're probably suffering from a common yet frustrating case of ugly nail dirt, its a technical term. We're almost completely convinced that it's work related and are seeking possible routs for compensation. We here at the newsy news offices have also been investigating possible cures and or home remedy's for this unsightly ugly nail dirt. Our top two most effective home remedy's are:

1. Make bread. As you are kneading it, the sticky dough sticks to your fingers and removes all the dirt . Don't ask, don't tell.

2. Do the dishes. A good soak is highly effective in removing ugly nail dirt, and it will also make you your mothers favorite least for one night,(unless you don't do it for your mother, in which case this home remedy is not recommended; make the bread instead and give it to a friend, they'll thank you at least). We don't guarantee long lasting results, but we do guarantee them for as long as they last.

Monday, May 09, 2005

You shoes you lose

The middle child wants to know where everyone is...the youngest child would like to know if she can really drink whole milk if she wants...

Saturday, May 07, 2005

The favorite Mutt

The favorite mutt has the over abundance of expendible energy...he weaves in and out of trees at such high speeds, the youngest child gets jealous. Having grown up in town the poor baby pouch doesn't know what to do with all the wide open spaces, the millions of smells and the only noise is deer snorting at him in disgust, which makes him cower and run for mommy. Dispite the smells, the noise, and the space, he seems to like it here at the favorite place. He's not quite sure what to make of all the water though; he puts his left foot in, he pulls his left foot out, he puts his left foot in and then splashes it about....but the splashing scares him witless and he rips away like there's a deer a comin.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

This weeks workout is:

Getting out of bed,

Now, now, don't start groaning, it's not that hard. In fact it's so easy you can do it every day if you want to.

There are two ways you can do this workout. The first way is, as soon as you open your eyes, sit straight up and get out of bed as fast as you can. This workout is designed to get your heart beat going at a rapid speed that will last all day. The benefit of this is you will feel wide awake for the rest of the day and full of energy to go go go(you won't even need coffee). Don't try it on a Saturday. Side affects may include: dizziness, nausea, headache(drink your coffee), insomnia, shakiness, fidgety, nervousness, and the inability to concentrate for long periods of time.
The second way to do this workout is much simpler; in fact, you can even do it in your sleep. When you begin to feel yourself waking up, slowly edge toward the closest side of the bed then rest a bit(try not to fall back asleep but its okay if you do). After a few minutes(15/30) of rest, toss an arm over the edge of the bed and rest again, after a few more minutes throw your leg over the side until the toes are just touching the floor. Rest. Then with one loud drawn out groan, shift all your wait to the foot thats on the floor and roll out of bed. Side affects may include: sleepiness, inability to wake up, jello knees, puffy eyes, silly grin, indecisiveness, uncontrollable giggles, and a strong case of fashion block.

Congratulations, you have now done your workout for the day! Please, eat whatever you want.

Results not tipical, not even the side affects...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Rusty bolts and leathermans

Tip of the day.

If you're going to be removing rusty bolts from something, and happen to use a leatherman, be sure to keep all fingers and toes out of the way of the pliers mouth. If you don't, you may end up with black and blue fingers that don't type quite right. As both the demolition child and her acomplice found out yesterday, while tearing apart a dock, while the responsible supervison were gone.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

To our Favorite Air Force Cousen

Happy b-day Favorite Air Force Cousin, this one's for you.

Due to the fact that we haven't gotten you a girft yet, we have decided to give you something better. Something few people have ever had. We are giving you a rare glimpce into the heads of the middle child and the youngest child....this is whats there,

Fascinating isn't it?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

We're back

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

The NNL Staff.....home at last...sort of...

Monday, April 25, 2005

This weeks post

Unfortunately, do to circumstances beyond our control and technical difficulty, we here at the newsy newslettter office are going on vacation and will not be posting this week. We are terribly sorry for any disappointment this may cause you.

Friday, April 22, 2005


To the Ignorant:

We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, do here by reluctantly propose a proposal for a plan. A plan unmade by the incompetent.

We, the unwilling, have put forth an effort to compose a modest letter on behalf of the proposal. On grounds based solely on assumption we do here by call the ignorant to the attention of which we feel we are psychologically due. We humbly demand that efforts, though unmade by the unwilling, should be respected and the unwilling individuals compensated accordingly.

In our modest misery;

Yours etc.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

This weeks workout is:

Running through the woods...also affectionately known as Hiking

What you'll need,
fresh air,
some dirt,

At top speed go running through the woods. If you don't have woods near you, use a couple of trees and just weave in and out of them as fast as you can. If you don't have a couple of trees, use a few house plants; set them apart at a convenient distance and weave in and out of careful if you're doing it inside(its not recommended).

To make this exercise more fun, smear some dirt on your face and pretend your hiding from someone, or stocking someone. Use a friend if need be, only don't tell the friend about the game, it'll make it funner.....especially when you go into attack mode. When the friend least suspects it throw a mushroom and run for your life. Keep your head low and you should avoid most tree branches. Keep up the workout until totally exhausted, then go find some food and replenish all the lost calories.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go...

We don't mind working an 8 hour day, as long as its only once a week. Nope, don't mind at all. Call it job security...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Are the Suckers running?

Simple ways to find out if the suckers are running.

Well, you could just drive around to all the rapids, but that takes time...and precious gas. So we have discovered a new and much easier way to discover when the suckers are running.

What you'll need:
A room full of people
A door

Run into the room full of people, through the door, and yell(excitedly) "Someones giving away Ice cream!" If every one dashes to the door, the suckers are running. If only a couple of people go to the door, you may be a little early so wait a few days before going to the rapids. Good luck fishing.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Once upon a time, in the middle of a big forest.....

Gather round fans, its story time. Only this is a very special story, no, its not about Simon. We are going to write a story one line at a time. When we say "we", we mean you, our fans. The rules are you can only write one sentence per comment spot. No real names should be used, make up something interesting. Please help us finish this story, we here at the newsy news letter offices will sit in suspense until it ends happily. When it is all finished the staff is going to submit it into the favorite story awards; if we win you can all have a chocolate on us.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Until then...

Until inspiration hits us, this is all you're going to get. Our lives hold very few distictions but in light of the fact that the favorite parents hang onions in old nylons.....we concede our loss.

Friday, April 15, 2005

They are falling

Aliens exist! They are clever little things too. We now know what they call themselves and where they live. Just recently the remains of one of their air crafts was found by the two nerds(the ones no one will claim). It had a high tech parachute that must have been discharged after the engines died. The parachute was orange with a long string attached to the engine......there was a note on it that said biodegradable. The little aliens must not be much bigger than two inches to fit into the aircraft. They left a last note saying that they would like their remains, along with the biodegradable aircraft, sent to some weather research place.....probably their equivalent to our organ donor notes on our drivers licenses. There was even a plastic envelope with the exact address, and no postage necessary if mailed in the united states. The little critters are lucky they weren't 3 miles north when they crashed or they may never have been sent home...or to research. The funny thing is they call themselves, "Weather Balloons" can you believe that? We here at the newsy news letter offices think thats a little tacky for such intelligent aliens.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The work out of the week is raking.
What you'll need is:
A rake
A lawn full of leaves or dead grass,

All these things are optional. If you don't have a rake use a long tooth comb. If you don't have a yard full of leaves and stuff, ask your neighbor if he'll let you do his. Or go to any old resort and ask them if you can "work out" in their yard for free. No one will turn you down guaranteed. If you don't have gloves thats okay because it never hurt anyone to have a blister....actually they usually make us feel pretty good about what we've accomplished.

At a comfortable speed rake for fifteen minutes. Then switch hands. When the yard is done the work out is over and you can go back inside.

To make this work out more difficult, do it during windy weather, or after you've worked all day doing other building a floor.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Floater floors

The youngest child and the middle child set out to build a floor. Here's helpful hints of what to do when you build your own floor at home. For best results, use only outside and on unevan tarrain.
What you'll absulutly need:
A really cool looking tool belt
A leatherman
A safe and clean working environment
Rusty Nails
Tape measurer
four hands

The last three things are optional. If you don't have a hammer, you can use a large rock. If you don't have a tape measurer for measureing the distance between supports, the youngest child suggests,"Just lay the supports about one of your foot size apart from each other, that way you can check it with just a step." Well the youngest child will help ya there. If you don't have four hands(your a freak) just take off your shoes and socks and use your toes. If you don't have nails......this project is doomed from the start don't even try, step away from the hammer!

The floor shoud be strong enough to hold a snowmobile or two and resourcefull enough to use all the old wood from the decks the demoliton child tore down.(You know who you are; and so do a lot of other people too for that matter, including those fire fighters). Its okay if you don't have that kind of wood laying around, new will work just fine; if you would like to hire the demoliton child so you can have old wood, well its a bad idea, but you can ask on the comment page if you dare.

Next, and going a step even further toward using up old stuff, the middle child and the youngest child strongly suggest useing up the old nails, which may or may not have come from the decks. Rusty or trusty doesn't matter as long as you have a sure hand and have someone else hold the nail. The middle child suggests' using a hammer, and "hit the nail on the head." The youngest childs suggestion for crooked nails, "Make sure you hit it over the straightest part, not necessarily dead center on the head." We here at the newsy news letter offices strongly suggest using none crooked nails.

Once you have all the nails you think you'll need, go back and find twice that many. Okay, now your ready to begin. Lay six eight foot boards flat on their side, not up and down. You'll know why if your using old wood. Then lay one cross ways over the top of the other six. Okay, good start, now take a break.

Now you can nail that first board. Oh, make sure its flush with the edges of the support. it should look like this, __/ maybe not quite that wide of an angle. Anyway, repeat process untill all your boards are gone or you run out of room. Be sure to leave a little crack between boards so you can lose things through it. And to let the wood breath. Nice job on the floor, perfect for a none heated doorless garage.

Hey, any handyman questions for our girls?

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Our Joy

He's here! A brand new(to us) bouncing baby boy car. The gender of the car took a bit of debating, but when we here at the Newsy News Letter offices heard the reason why cars are usually girls, we decided there was no other option. We heard from a source we deem reliable that cars are refered to as girls because of how difficult they can be. So we resolved that our company car would be a boy, and be as easy going as the rest of that gender. So far so good, but he doesn't eat very much for being a boy; maybe he's just nervous about being the new car on the block. He seems to be adjusting well; had a peaceful night after getting settled a little late. The deer took to him right away and since he's a male he's been very good about taking his turn. This paragraph should be read with a grain of salt and a dash of sarcasm. Any suggestions on nice boy names?

Friday, April 08, 2005

Spring slumps and summer dumps

Yesterday, we saw three geese flying south. It can only mean one thing; we all blinked and summer is offically over. Fall never looked so brown and colorless as this one. Can you feel the winter coming on? That breeze is getting a bit nippy. But then we did see five geese flying north. Do these five north geese cancel out the three south? If so that would leave two geese that really made it north and that would mean its still spring.....nope it can't be! We would have to change our whole way of thinking and thats just too difficult for a friday.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Second Day

Well, due to our extensive reaserach on the matter not discussed, we have discovered the rather fanominal fact that, Procrastinators get more done than the avarage non Procrastinator. In order to avoid doing something a Procrastinator will do everything else, and only when all else is done will he/she do the dreaded task. When all is said and done, only what is said is not done. Hnewsy Snewsy

Hey, can anyone remember the name of the seventh Dwarf?

Now this is Newsy

If you are wondering what Newsy is. We will tell you. That is if we can get enough respones. So please give us a sign that there is life out there. Yours truly The Newsy News Letter Office.