Tuesday, May 31, 2005

When the flowers bloom

This morning a heavenly smell greeted the middle child and the youngest child the moment they walked out the door. They glanced around in search of the flowers that surly must have bloomed over night since the air had not been so sweet the night before. Seeing none, the middle child and the youngest child searched high and low, near and far, for the flowers. They found none, but the scent stayed with them where ever they went leading them to believe that flowers were always near. Such a wonderful smell can not exist with out a source, so they continued to contemplate all possible causes. Finally, while they were both raising their arms to hang sheets, they realized the very lack of effluvium was the cause of natural wonderful smells finally reaching their noses. Yes, it is as you suspected, they finally showerd for this month.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Tis over...

We are happy to announce that our week of depression is almost officially over...pending a cup of coffee. After much discussion we feel a little better, good even perhaps.

Until tomorrow we leave you with one last thought:

The best way to clean fish is to let someone else do it.

Friday, May 27, 2005

This weeks work out is:

Since we couldn’t bring ourselves to get out of bed for yesterdays’ workout posting, we are giving it to you a day later than what is usually found here at the newsy news site.

(The following should be read in the depressing tone in which we wrote it)
Just try again to get out of bed. If you already are out of bed that’s a good sign. Try to eat your breakfast too, but if you can’t we understand. If you want to go back to bed that’s fine too…at least you got up once.

The week should be getting a little better, at least Carrie won.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The Grand Apology

We apologize for our three days sulking. The Stars Wars blurp depressed our brains so much we’ve been in a miserable fog. There might be an alternative ending coming soon to this blog only. For now just know we’re doing our best to lighten heavy hearts for the sake of our fans….Thanks for being there for us…

Effluvium-a disagreeable vapor or smell.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Star Wars, See It We Did.

If you haven't seen the new episode of Star Wars this may ruin it for you...but then again, it ruins itself. After contemplating the movie for 2 hours after it was over, we think we've thought of it all. Our only problem with it can be easily resolved with the answers to a few simple questions,

Why is the Sith never mentioned in the last three movies of Star Wars?

Why do Anakin and Obi-Wan never mention their last encounter in the next three movies?

How could Leah have a memory of her mother being very beautiful but always sad, if her mother died in child birth?

Why didn't Obi-Wan put Anakin out of his misery? He left his mission incomplete.

How could Padme completely lose all her strength of character between this movie and the last?

Since when does Darth Vader cross his arms?

If Anakin has such a strong mind why is he so easily persuaded against every thing he was taught?

How does Anakin go from regret of killing a fellow Jedi, to pledging allegiance to the dark side and slaughtering younglings?

How can Natalie Portman win an Oscar in a movie if she's barely in it?

Oh, and were we the only ones who found it funny the way the babies were taken into the adoptive families? It seemed a little storkish to us. The Baby Delivery services "Hey, dear, the baby's delivered!"

And where have all the flowers gone?

Friday, May 20, 2005

What was that?

"Believe it or not, its unbelievable..."

Yes indeed! We actually heard a news woman say that last night on the news. Can you believe that? Personally we think its unbelievable...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Happy Birthday favorite singing cousin!

For your birthday, we wanted to give you something special, but nothing too far fetched or over the top. After much debate and thoughtful contemplation we have decided to share with you a little peice of our hearts...here he is. Somethings may have been lost in the translation but isn't he a dream?

/ _ _ / <b> <d> \\ b //
\ aha /
/ / \ / \,,,,I I,,,,,/

\ I I /
\ I I /
\ I________I /
I n I
I / \ I
( ) ( )
\ / \ /
\ / \ /

BaaaZ ZaaaB

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

How to go catching...

During a recent study done by the newsy news staff, we have discovered three sure ways of catching fish...ways of such success they are guarenteed to work with out fail.

1. Cast your line(where ever) and make sure you get a big knot in it. A knot so big and complex, there is no way this side of sunshine you'll ever get it out. Then you'll catch a fish...usually right when your hold on the pole is the most distracted.

2. Read a very nerve racking book, at the most intense part you will catch a fish, but you wont notice because the book is too intense and you're sweating into your eyes.

3. Fish all day, starting at 6am. Just after lunch, when you are bored and tired of not catching a thing you may feel inclined to take a little nap. Its okay to nap, but be sure to have a tight grip on your pole, tie it to your arm if need be, because as soon as you start to snore your pole will take a dive to the bottom of the lake.

We hope these tips will work as well for you as they did for us.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Should we or shouldn't we?

We here at the newsy news office are in a quandary. We have recently been privileged enough to see a new commercial of the new Star Wars. Unfortunatly, this commercial brought us so near to tears we are now considering not seeing it in a theater. Our reasoning is this: We don't like crying in public, its not a pretty sight, our eyes get puffy, our noses turn red, and our cheeks get blotchy. With our Star Wars costumes on we feel we'd be too much of an eye sore to be seen in public. However, no permanent decisions have been made. If you see two girls all dected out in Leah type attire with red, puffy, blotchy face's you can safely assume we were there...unless of course they were imposters!

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Use this word in a sentence(if you dare) before looking it up in the dictionary. Oh, and for our amusment, write the sentence in the comments part. That way we can all have a giggle at the expense of the word.

Hey, is that a effluvium in here?

Friday, May 13, 2005

Our little tests

We have some simple tests here at the Newsy News Offices that we run on every post to see if it is effective or just plain silly. The first one is right after it is written the editor reads it and if she giggles, says "what", or rolls her eyes, it is deemed effective. Then the post is published and two more tests are done. The favorite Father reads it, if he reads it quickly and says nothing, its not bad. If he reads it slowly and comments, well, its not good. But he's not usually available for the tests. The next test is when the favorite Mother reads it. If she laughs harder at the 0 comments part of the post, we go back to bed and try again the next day.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Work out of the week,

Hanging clothes on the line.
This work out was developed for its over all body toneing technique. The arms gain mucle by lifting a heavy basket; the constant sqeezing of clothes pins gives the hand muscle somthing to do, and the constant bending over and picking up promotes flexibility and strengthens side muscles.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The best way to remove dirt from under the finger nails,

If you've been working in the dirt without gloves or, like the youngest child, wear the gloves but fill them with dirt first because its "funner that way" you're probably suffering from a common yet frustrating case of ugly nail dirt, its a technical term. We're almost completely convinced that it's work related and are seeking possible routs for compensation. We here at the newsy news offices have also been investigating possible cures and or home remedy's for this unsightly ugly nail dirt. Our top two most effective home remedy's are:

1. Make bread. As you are kneading it, the sticky dough sticks to your fingers and removes all the dirt . Don't ask, don't tell.

2. Do the dishes. A good soak is highly effective in removing ugly nail dirt, and it will also make you your mothers favorite child...at least for one night,(unless you don't do it for your mother, in which case this home remedy is not recommended; make the bread instead and give it to a friend, they'll thank you at least). We don't guarantee long lasting results, but we do guarantee them for as long as they last.

Monday, May 09, 2005

You shoes you lose

The middle child wants to know where everyone is...the youngest child would like to know if she can really drink whole milk if she wants...

Saturday, May 07, 2005

The favorite Mutt

The favorite mutt has the rips...an over abundance of expendible energy...he weaves in and out of trees at such high speeds, the youngest child gets jealous. Having grown up in town the poor baby pouch doesn't know what to do with all the wide open spaces, the millions of smells and the only noise is deer snorting at him in disgust, which makes him cower and run for mommy. Dispite the smells, the noise, and the space, he seems to like it here at the favorite place. He's not quite sure what to make of all the water though; he puts his left foot in, he pulls his left foot out, he puts his left foot in and then splashes it about....but the splashing scares him witless and he rips away like there's a deer a comin.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

This weeks workout is:

Getting out of bed,

Now, now, don't start groaning, it's not that hard. In fact it's so easy you can do it every day if you want to.

There are two ways you can do this workout. The first way is, as soon as you open your eyes, sit straight up and get out of bed as fast as you can. This workout is designed to get your heart beat going at a rapid speed that will last all day. The benefit of this is you will feel wide awake for the rest of the day and full of energy to go go go(you won't even need coffee). Don't try it on a Saturday. Side affects may include: dizziness, nausea, headache(drink your coffee), insomnia, shakiness, fidgety, nervousness, and the inability to concentrate for long periods of time.
The second way to do this workout is much simpler; in fact, you can even do it in your sleep. When you begin to feel yourself waking up, slowly edge toward the closest side of the bed then rest a bit(try not to fall back asleep but its okay if you do). After a few minutes(15/30) of rest, toss an arm over the edge of the bed and rest again, after a few more minutes throw your leg over the side until the toes are just touching the floor. Rest. Then with one loud drawn out groan, shift all your wait to the foot thats on the floor and roll out of bed. Side affects may include: sleepiness, inability to wake up, jello knees, puffy eyes, silly grin, indecisiveness, uncontrollable giggles, and a strong case of fashion block.

Congratulations, you have now done your workout for the day! Please, eat whatever you want.

Results not tipical, not even the side affects...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Rusty bolts and leathermans

Tip of the day.

If you're going to be removing rusty bolts from something, and happen to use a leatherman, be sure to keep all fingers and toes out of the way of the pliers mouth. If you don't, you may end up with black and blue fingers that don't type quite right. As both the demolition child and her acomplice found out yesterday, while tearing apart a dock, while the responsible supervison were gone.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

To our Favorite Air Force Cousen

Happy b-day Favorite Air Force Cousin, this one's for you.

Due to the fact that we haven't gotten you a girft yet, we have decided to give you something better. Something few people have ever had. We are giving you a rare glimpce into the heads of the middle child and the youngest child....this is whats there,

Fascinating isn't it?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

We're back

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

The NNL Staff.....home at last...sort of...