Thursday, June 30, 2005

The workout of the week,

Ditching the road.
What you’ll need,
A dirt road,
Hard rain,

This workout is a lot like the raking workout except that this workout should be done outside and only during a rainstorm. * Starting at the top of the hill, follow the natural route of the water and gently rake dirt in the direction you want the water to go. Continue working your way down the hill leaving small ditches on the road that will act as speed bumps during dry weather and are also a good way to gather parts from new cars as they are rattled off. Pay no attention to the cars backed up waiting to get through while you work. If it is lightning out please use extreme caution. Perhaps it would be best to not use a metal rake in such cases, and try not to point the end of the rake straight up into the air as this could act like a lightning rod. Be careful and enjoy your wet workout.

*This workout shouldn’t need to be done if the road is graded properly. However, if your road is dirt and you have two novice’s grading it, this will, on occasion, need to be done; usually in the middle of the night.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Happy very belated B-day

To the oldest child from far far away. We can't believe we forgot for two whole days to blog about how happy we are to say happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear oldest child, happy birthdy to you! See, now look how happy we are! We can't believe we missed two whole days of such easy joy!

The Newsy News Letter Staff.

Can you believe how hard the favorite mother laughed at yesterdays blog? There were no comments.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Did You Know?

Mayflies can fly faster than a six horse motor....

But then... since when can a six horse motor fly?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Work this out of the week:

As you may or may not have noticed from the title, this is the workout day of the week.

We were having some indecisivness (caused no doubt by the very late night) over what should be this weeks workout. The choices were, visiting family far far away, mowing lawn, beating biting dogs, or sailing. But since the very ordeal of making this decision is so difficult for such hot weather, we have decided that making a decision was enough workout for us this morning.

For this workout you will need to make one decision today. Don't stress to hard about, unless of course you've reached the intermeadeate, then go ahead and make a diffficult decision. Your decision can range from whether or not to get out of bed, what to wear, say hi to a friend or not, comment or not, blog at all, or even doing this weeks workout will in fact be doing this work out. If you decide not too, well, the decisions been made, its already too late.

Be careful not to over do this workout, we don't want anyone to get burned out.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

just so you know

We have decided that we are not going to blog today...We’re way too busy celebrating the longest day of the year!

Monday, June 20, 2005

What is that smell?

While raking the road like beach, the middle child and the youngest child could not get over a horrible smell that seemed to follow them with the gusty wind. The first thought in their little heads was "Is it the end of the month already?" The second thought was naturally a justification thought that went something like, "must be all the hot weather." But really we don’t think it was those, rule of thumb goes never blame yourself when there’s a dog that could be blamed first but there was no dog. Any information on what it could be would be of great help to us. Other wise we will have to go swimming.
It was certainly not the mayflies!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Happy anniversary to the favorite Texas grandparents!

A tale of two toilets:

However, as we’ve already established, we don’t clean and tell. But we’re not above writing what we aren’t saying.

Over lunch, the middle child, the favorite parents and the oldest child all protested the youngest child’s detailed description of the two toilets she had just cleaned. Feeling wordy at that moment she was very disconcerted over the lack of eager ears. With all the pressure from the repressed toilet words bursting in her head it was very hard for the youngest child to refrain from bloging about them. As you can see though, we were successful in our repression.

Just imagine this: Cleaning a bathroom without gloves and then eating pizza without a fork.

Friday, June 17, 2005

For the one whose Birthday is today, you know who you are.

Coming soon, June 21, 2005 the second annual cattail party. Hosted by yours truly the Middle child and the Youngest child. All are invited, so mark it on your calendars. We'll be runnin round the woods all day, and generally celebrating the longest day of the year.

For those of you who think we do nothing all day but go gallivanting, you are absolutely right. We have found that if you, "find a job you love to do you'll never have to work a day in your life."

For a picture of a broken toe (the favorite mothers no less!) Go to our happy place 2005 page, notice the discoloration of the toenails? Yes indeed, poor dear.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The workout of the week is:

Carrying cases of pop.
This work out is not for the faint of heart. You will need two 12 pack cases of pop(any brand will do, they all weigh the same). With one pack on either side of you, bend at the knee and pick them up with your fingers. Lift straight up, lifting with your legs while your arms continue to stretch down toward the floor. Make sure you stuffed your fingers in the case as far as they would go (so you can’t get them out) to prevent the fingers from slipping out and the big toes from dodging. Okay, now walk to the car, or the fridge or where ever it is you want the cases of pop to reside permanently. Do not repeat this work out once you’ve moved them, once is quite enough for a workout, now take a break…or better yet, take the rest of the day off on us!

If a twelve pack of pop is too much, just start with one can and work your way up, be sure not to do it all in one day though. Working your way up from one to twelve should take about 12 days. Don’t forget to reward yourself for a good workout by drinking a can.

For the extremely advanced workout, try carrying two 24 packs, the extreme workout should never be attempted while alone.

Another helpful hint is if your trying to carry a lot of cans all at the same time, it’s a good idea to drink a couple of them so you have more free hand space. You’ll still be carrying the same amount of weight and they’ll all make it to the right place, some of them will just be in a different container.

Motto of the workout is: "We may not have a six pack, but that doesn’t mean we can’t carry a twelve."

This work out builds finger muscles, and tones back. This work out will not build a six pack (no mater how much you drink) side affects may include long arms, droopy shoulders, odd gait. Discontinue workout if the droopy shoulders persist for longer than one hour.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

business as usual

We fear, due to our lack of writing this past week, that our fans might think we are going through a common case of lackadaisical*, which usually occurs to us after the hype of a new thing is over. Please be not alarmed for this is not the case. We have merely been out of order and in utter chaos in a different town than we are normally found in. We do believe we’ve done ourselves proud with the conquest of said town though.

Please, all gather for business is now as usual…

As you may have noticed we have our own Lexicon going on here. Perhaps each week we can let you in on our very own new word of the week.

*Lackadaisical- an expression of regret; *lack of interest *; listless.

Monday, June 13, 2005

We're back...

Yet, your punishment was so severe upon us that we don't know what to say.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Pity Party

Dearest fans,

With regret we must inform you that we will be out of order(and possibly uncontrollable) for a good portion of the week. So welcome to the Newsy News blog pity party. This pity party is for you since you wont receive a how to do something or a workout this week. Please do not assume we leave you for other friends, indeed it is not so. We have no other friends. We merely leave for the west to annoy family for a while...not a vacation by any means, for what rest is possible for the annoying? So with that in mind we hope you will not lament our absence overly much…we are doing the work of the younger siblings; be proud of us for doing our just duty.

Feel free to post a comment over how much you miss us...or lament together over the shared loss you all now have in common. Or if you would rather try to punish us for doing the good work of annoying people, feel free to not comment at all. It is a pity party after all, and you can do as you wish.

The Newsy News Staff, the middle child , and the youngest child

Monday, June 06, 2005

For the Favorite brother who does not read this blog…

Yesterday the middle child and the youngest child cleaned out their tackle boxes. They kept getting snags. All their favorite lures can now be found at the bottom of the lake.

Hey brother, we discovered an effective way to get lures out of trees, you can now come fishing with us without fear of losing some that’a’way.

The baby dragonflies are being born and the deer are beginning to hatch.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Freezers, skeeters, and smells

Too the oldest child, who doesn't feel so swell.

Now, we're not the type that would clean and tell, but sometimes there are just such instances that are worthy of note, and even worthy of breaking our own rules. There are some story's just begging to be told but due to the graphic nature of some of those stories, they are reserved for bed times and campfires...both of which we attend alone. But here is a story for the oldest child who wished she was here; we also wished you were here dear, for the kitchen has never been our domain.
There was a smell coming from the freezer. Such a strong smell, it took the youngest child three tries to get close enough to look inside of it. The middle child gave the cabin kitchen a wide birth under the disguise of doing something that resembled cleaning. Back to the rather note worthy smell though. The youngest child, through eyes squirting tears from such an effluvium, looked high and low inside the empty freezer. All she found was a small slowly decaying mosquito. "Ah, ha!" she exclaimed much to her regret as she breathed in a lung full of dead mosquito smell. She hastily removed the little corps but found much to her dismay the smell had not lessened. She grabbed her dishcloth and began to scrub where the little beast had breathed his last, but to no avail; it still stunk! Finally she came to the conclusion that any cabin cleaner would come to, she needed more soap. Gallons of dish soap later, the smell was gone and the three over enffluviumized victims could work in peace.

For all you people who think trapping skeeters in the refrigerator is a worthy hobby, we have one thing to say, "That really stinks!"

We here at the newsy news office do here by disclaim all responsibilities for the over exaggerated chemically induced description above. We choose to ignore other details, such as leeches being left in the fridge, as being the cause of the effluvium. Everyone knows skeeters stink!

Saturday, June 04, 2005

uninspired title

We here at the newsy news offices are most inspired to write when we are cleaning cabins. With that in mind we leave you now for inspirations sake...

Friday, June 03, 2005

Come dine with us...

The table was set to perfection, the steak knives were sharp, the meat was tender. The usual subjects were covered, with the few exceptions which always avoid high society. And all eight ate the right way....well six out of eight ain't bad. The meal was all most over when the youngest child glanced across the table at the favorite parents, Texas Grandparents, and Aunt and Uncle. They were all(if you can believe it) using their knives correctly, eating each piece in an artistic, elegant way. While the middle child and the youngest child used fork and finger, while their arms flapped like a chickens.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The work out of the week is:

this work out is so easy, its considered to be child's play to some. Go to your local park(if you don't have a swing in your yard) and run straight for the swing set. Chase off any little kids before you sit down on one. Okay, now, starting at a still position, hold your legs up and straight out in front of you, keeping them off the ground at all times(to make it funner, pretend the ground is hot lava and if you touch it you get burned and lose). Anyway, without touching the ground pull your legs under the swing, this should cause the swing to, well, swing. If it doesn't, you've done something wrong and should probably call the nearest swing support unit before going any farther with this work out. If your swing does, well, swing correctly continue repeating for five minutes or until you can't feel your legs anymore, or until you feel nauseous.

If this workout is too hard, have someone push you on the swing while you go through the motions written above.