Thursday, December 28, 2006
1. Hide all the building material (we have found it to be most effective)
2.Bend a couple fingers backwards (actually it didn’t work very well did it?)
3. Insist on finishing your cup of coffee before you’ll work and take all day to drink it (sorry, this may prevent you from doing anything else as well)
4. Admit you feel the need to cook and clean (some sacrifice is needed….and chances are no one will believe you)
5. Put a sign on mothers new house that says “closed for cleaning until further notice” and then put wigs on the brooms and dance around the new floor with them.
6. Look busy and just walk around carrying a drill (works every time, hour after hour after hour…but it’s a boring thing to do on your “day off”)
7. Walk out to the house with your grouse guns and when everyone leaves tell father, “since no ones here to work, we’re goin huntin”
8. Get lost on your way to work…it is a very long way to walk…and up hill…
9. Pretend you suffer from snow blindness and start walking into walls and out windows (please use caution when walking out a window…it could be a very painful day off)
10. Or you could just tell father it takes all day to get ready for the newsy news staff Christmas party.
Good luck!! And remember, nothing ventured is nothing gained.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Hammering a nail:
Guy, four hits per nail.
Girl, 10 tinks per nail…and that’s an improvement since 100 tinks per nail.
Result of test 1: guys are better at hammering nails.*
Carrying one 4X8 sheet of chip board:
1 guy =1 sheet.
2 girls =1 sheet
Result of test 2: 1 guy is equal to 2 girls.*
Screwing in a board while hanging out a window:
Guy, 10 boards.
Girl, 1 screw out of 3 needed in 1 board.
Result of test 3: girl was afraid of heights and did not complete the test so test was invalid…*
Holding the dummy end of a tape measure:
Result of test 4. Both are equally capable of holding the dummy end.
Holding the other end of the Tape measure:
Guy “167 inches and 7/8ths”
Girl “167 inches and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8ths”
Result of test 5: guy is more efficient when time is money.*
*there are exceptions to every rule. There are guys who can’t do these things any better than a girl and there are girls who are more than capable of doing these things. But in a general way, (average girls vrs average guys) results are typical.
Note: Our title is not “What ever girls can do, guys can do better” if it had been, we would have had girly tests on what girls can do better(such as measuring in tsp). But oddly enough, we’ve never heard a guy spout off about how he can do anything a girl can do, only better.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
And if all the puzzel pieces had been right, it would have looked like this before dark on Wednesday.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Anyway, around 6am(that would be our time) a very horrible little alarm clock went off. The youngest child got up, kicked the middle child, and then went into the bathroom. She came out 29 minutes later after lossing the battle with the faucet. The middle child then crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom. Neither the middle child nor the youngest child turned on the computer. When the middle child came out, the youngest child was unmaking the bed and tossing everything into a little closet. See, it was cleaning day, it only happens once a week here in the hole. After unmaking the bed, the silly sister's made their rather discusting sandwhiches.
They left their hole around 7:04. Thats four minutes later than usual and makes the difference between trafic and heavy trafic.(are you sure you want to hear about our longest most boringest day ever?) Okay.
They arrived at their day home for two weeks around 7:25 after driving 9 miles. Once they were parked in a nice close spot they reclined their chairs and watched a movie.
At 8:30 they turned off the movie, crawled out of lil'ol blue 2 and sulked into their booth,(which the favorite father had furnished with two chairs). They set themselves up in their chairs picked up their books and prepared for a long day.
The rest of the day is rather blurry, too blurry for an hour by hour account.
Sometime after 2pm, some of the rodeo crew showed began to mingle with the common folk, or perhaps they werent from the rodeo, but there was definatly more people in the isles, instead of one stragler every 100 yards there were two. In short, other than making fun of the hats weighing themselves on the scale across the isle, there was no other sport to be had.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
"Oh! Go drive off an exit ramp!"
And it did.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
It is now day light, and we are off to see what we can see before we go to bed.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Clearly its the greatest letter ever! All the greatest words start with "N" like newsy, newsyday, no, newsy, nice, newsy, normal, (s)nack, newsy, neighbor, newsy, news, newsy. See? Is it any wonder its our favorite letter?
Sunday, October 08, 2006
It started with a shovel in the demolition childs hands; she's the one in the hole blending in with the clay, while the engineer points out the clumps she missed.
There was obvious progress...once the favorite father got his tractor in there.
They may have had some help from an excavator...at least thats what the pictures imply.
Oh, there may have also been a dump truck that the favorite father was running around in.
But clearly, there was progress.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Picture this: A very nice looking, muddy, tractor, with a clean middle child sitting smugly in the driver’s seat. A very deep, clay, hole just to the left of the tractor, with a very muddy youngest child standing in the bottom of it, looking very odd and out of place without a shovel to lean on....Okay we give up, a picture would be much better, unfortunately, we didn’t take any…
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
1000 newsy points to the first person to correctly state whats missing from this picture and how many of them we cut down...
Evil taskmaster. Poor oldest child.
They're only pretending, this doesn't prove anything...
Little glow worm is always happy to give the ET "Awoooo" to anyone feeling sore...the workers are very lucky she lives so close...
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Okay, so that’s not a direct quote from Westward The Women; its been changed to fit our purpose as usual.
100 free newsy points to the first person to correctly guess what word we changed and what the orginal word was.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Note: Never, ever, mow lawn when its hot out or when there are people around who might see you. We recommend doing this workout after dark in the cool of the evening, or early in the morning…before dawn; in short, do this workout whenever you can annoy the most amount of people without any of them knowing who’s making all the noise.
For the right handed person, use an old push lawn mower with a broken front tire on the right side. Make sure the broken tire tips inward to the left. This will give your normally unused left arm a thorough workout as it constantly has to correct the leftward pull of the tire. This also makes mowing in a circle very convenient. For the left handed person, you can sit on the porch and relax since you don’t need to workout your left hand.
Always remember: Never mow alone, two people pushing the same lawn mower is ideal for this workout. Both should be blind folded though since we stated above that this workout should be done when no one can see. And in that case, you may as well do it during daylight hours as long as it’s not warm out.
For a more extensive mowing workout, run while pushing the lawn mower; we recommend heading in the direction of Dairy Queen while you're running.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
1. The stinkin DVD corrupted our whole system (it was a logical thought in the times of computer viruses).
2. Our rather old, but large, TV was toying with our mental capabilities
3. The connections on the back of the player had been hooked up wrong.
Unfortunately we discovered after investigating that option number 3 was indeed the problem….and we found, much to our horror, that we’d wasted 3 hours of perfectly good and beautiful color in black and white.
Believe us, things are better in color.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Text: Joseph M. Scriven, 1820-1886
Music: Charles C. Converse, 1832-1918
1. What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
2. Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
3. Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
In other news, we’ve decided to have another secret party today, so anyone wishing to come should take the necessary steps towards that goal….we’ll be in the lake, or on the lake, or somewhere near the lake.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Lysol Cling toilet bowl cleaner for toilets
Comet Bathroom Cleaner for the showers (no scum intended)
Mr. Clean for the sink (we prefer the blue stuff)
Soft Scrub Liquid Gel for pitch on the floors (and anything else we wish to see disappear before our eyes)
And last but most certainly not least, 409 All Purpose Cleaner (the purple stuff; we don’t really care so much for its cleaning ability, but it sure makes things smell really good)
Results all typical.
Mix all together for a happy cleaning experience*…All our days are happy days…
Remember, we’re professionals!...and now that we’ve just confessed our chemical dependency we feel the need to go air out our heads and reflect on the folly of our writings.
*do not try this at home…or alone…and never ever at the advice of two very silly sister’s.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Happy swimming to all!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
A. Go to the doctor for a shot.
B. Go swimming and forget about it.
C. Wait and see if symptoms show up in about 3 months.
D. Wait and mention it to the dentist sometime.
E. Tie herself to a tree like they do in movies.
F. Paint her toenails.
G. None of the above.
H. All of the above.
Choose the best answer; personally, we're going to be studying B for a while today...
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
This post is dedicated to anyone going to SonShine this year….beware the bathrooms…
Monday, July 10, 2006
All we know is that its not in the dictionary and it has something to do with the rate at which two rabbits will reproduce after two months.
We’ve sat on this unforgettable information for three years now and we’re doing the only sensible thing we can do with it…we’re passing it on to others…
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
oh that would be us! Happy fourth to us and to you, from the newsy news letter staff and fan club!
Monday, July 03, 2006
When you're safley in the stall of the bathroom chirp out in a normal voice, "tinkle, tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle..." and continue until you're done. This will cover any real tinkling sounds you make, and if anyone looks at you strangly when you walk out of the stall look at them stupidly and say, "What? I was tinkling!"
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
More importantly casting
Now, we used to think we were experts on the subject until we met someone who was truly proficient, so today’s workout is going to be for the beginners and the intermediate, anyone seeking the advanced workout will have to wait until we’ve perfected it ourselves.
For the beginner: Use a zebco closed face button release reel. Hold pole horizontally and straight out in front of yourself. Push the button in and hold it. Swing the pole back over your head and whip it forward. Be sure to release the button as you whip it forward. Splash…good! But next time don’t release the pole when you release the button. Okay, go find another pole and repeat until your arm feels like its going to fall off…or for about 5 minutes.
For the intermediate: Do the same as the beginner, only be sure to look behind yourself before you whip the pole forward, this should eliminate the annoying hats that keep collecting on the hook. To make this workout harder, use an open reel.
That’s it for this month, remember don’t over do it!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
We will be celebrating the 3rd Annual Cattail, rootbeer keg(that parts new), Party and 5th birthday of the newsy news letter….plus it’s the longest day of the year…who wont be partying?
The itinerary of the day:
4am, wake up and go kayaking
Sometime after that return for first breakfast
7am go to the Y with the favorite mother
return for second breakfast and coffee.
Have another coffee break
10am clean cabin,
12pm eat lunch,
2pm play croquet
3pm go party barging
4pm pick cattails
5pm crowning of the guest of honor with cattails
6pm eat supper at the campfire
8pm play disc golf
9pm eat smores
10 visit Mama’s Pond
11pm Skeeters go to bed
Eat bed time snack
12pm we go to bed
This is our schedule for tomorrows 3rd annual Cattail party, everything is subject to change if we don’t feel like doing it, but if all else fails you can be sure we will stick to the "Code". Not included on this list is, Volley Ball, Water Skiing/tubing, one small surprise and many many hikes…we’ll squeeze it all in where we can, but as you can see our day looks packed as it is.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
We're the ones on the edges...and no we are not wearing skirts
And the best picture of all....
grinnin purty for the pictures!
The computer didn't download the bottoms of the pictures...oh well ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, but we still love technology.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
From My Fair Lady
"Get me to the church on time"
Some words have been changed to better fit what we wanted to say on this happy occasion…sob…
There's just a few more hours,
Our cousins getting married on tomorrow!
Our cousins gotta be there in the mornin'!
If he is dancin' Roll up the floor.
He’s getting married in the morning
He’s gotta be there in the morning
Some bloke who's able Lift up the table,
If he is flying then get him down.
The silly cousins will be singing this part on their way home from gallivanting tonight:
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Many pens and pencils buried among some useless items in the center council, one very classy pen leaking ink all over; melted red and blue color crayons. Two empty mountain dew cans; something sticky oozing out of the cup holder; a coffeehouse cup on the floor of the passenger’s side. Toilet paper in the glove compartment hidden among the McDonalds napkins the newsy staff has taken for writing material. A few scraps of paper containing rough drafts of past newsy news letters; receipts from McDonalds dollar meals, and the favorite mothers grocery lists. On the ceiling of the car there are hidden weapons…little pins (of all the places the newsy staff has been) stuck into the ceiling…for some strange reason the pins find it amusing to fall onto the seats at any inconvenient time. A deck of cards, gloves, lip gloss, matches, flashlight, and salt and pepper.
One box of "Newsy Tissues", sporting the traditional words "Bless You", and "May all your sneezes be boogerless". A road atlas for road trips; sand on the floor. In the back window the wings of Northwest Airlines sit beside an extra large centipede and a few natural bugs.
The trunk is filled with toys. There is a football and six orange cones to make a field. Two pouches of disc golf disc’s; one hundred and fifty Frisbees. One baseball, two mitts, a pool stick, tennis rackets (that have never been used), jumper cables (that have been used), towing rope, and engine oil.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
In honor of our favorite singing cousins birthday, we are going to take the rest of the day off and not do a workout at all today. That’s right, today’s workout is going to be: trying not to workout.
Do what ever it takes to avoid workingout on this very special day. Throw a party, crash a party, or stay in bed all day, just don’t do anything that could be considered a workout. We’ll be doing as little as possible, here at the happy place, in honor of our favorite singing cousin's birthday; we’re just going to sit back, stir up some lemonade and toast her good health and many happy returns until the very bottom of our glass is reached. And then tonight, we’ll sit back in our lazy girl chairs and recall all the good times when she’s come over to play with us.
Here’s to the late night chats, the long walks, and most of all, here’s to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers…
A very happy newsy birthday to you!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Eat morning snack,
Eat mid morning snack
Eat pre lunch snack
Drive the four wheeler around
Eat a post lunch snack (or kellogs it don’t matter)
Test the kayaks
Eat mid afternoon snack,
Break for tea time
Eat a pre supper snack,
Measure the grass and look the lawn mowers over
Have an evening snack,
Watch American Idol
Have a bedtime snack.
Go to bed.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Stopping the tears after last night’s tragic event on American Idol. We don’t know about you guys but we were all a little hurly-burly over Chris Daughtry being sent home. And since this is a house of mostly females, the general reaction on this melancholy event was dismay and hearty laments. Bringing the youngest child, who has a tender heart, closer to tears than she’s been in four years; while the middle child sniffed heartily and ran down stairs; and the oldest child proclaimed she would never vote again.
So our mission today for our workout is drying our eyes and stopping the rivers flowing out of them. To do this we will need a tremendous amount of will power and a truck load of Kleenex boxes, which by the way, we are expecting any day now thanks to a good friend of ours. We may also take the day off from…well whatever it is we usually do all day, to wallow in self-pity over the loss of our favorite American Idol this year. We just may have to watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers all day to help speed our recovery, it is after all a workout friendly movie. Or we may watch the new Pride and Prejudice just so we can complain about something other than American Idol for a change.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
You might be a hillbilly if you can relate to any three of the following...
1. You live on a hill.
2. You actually know someone you can safely call "Billy".
3. You think cattails make a good story.
4. Your secret recipes call for iocaine powder.
5. When you wonder where your next meal is coming from its only because you haven't seen a squirrel in half an hour.
6. You have three daughters and two of them are like sons.
7. You knew the three S's before the three R's.
8. You don’t know that there are really only two R’s and one A.
9. You think you could be the next American Idol.
10. You think a sing along is when you go outside and harmonize with the coyotes.
11. You know someone who has seen a Sasquash.
12. You can't recall how old you are after running out of fingers and toes.
13. The thing that strikes you most in movies is when they’ve used new nails on old wood.
14. You can shoot the eye out of a shot gun shell at 20 yards, with hands as steady as a feather in the wind.
15. You’re the only one who responds to a fire and you’re not even on the department.
16. You joined the fire department just for the jacket, and now you're too lazy to quit.
17. When you’re called out on a fire you bring marshmallows and fun dogs in case it lasts thorough dinner.
18. Everyone else on the department is there for community service.
19. You’re self-employed but no one (including you) knows what you do.
20. There’s been a shortage of doors in your community because "them cops" keep bashing them in.
21. Your new closet is made out of your old porch.
22. Your new porch is bigger than your house.
23. You’ve added on to your storage shed but not your house.
24. When you help build your kids fort, it’s good enough for them to live in.
25. You cut the same board four times and it’s still too short; but use it anyway.
26. You know the difference between red neck and hillbilly.
27. You keep a dictionary by the toilet just in case you run out of paper.
28. You’ve decorated the walls of your outhouse.
29. You blame guests for the smell coming out of the outhouse.
30. You have more teeth than neighbors.
31. But you still don’t get it when someone says, "Teethbrush" instead of "toothbrush."’
32. The Red Green Show makes a lot of sense with usable logic.
33. When you hear someone's house has running water you think that means it was built on top of a spring.
34. You encourage your children to get lost in the woods.
35. You have a one-eyed mutt you can’t wait to call, "ol one eye".
36. You think its good sport to hide from your dog while on a walk.
37. Your dog has begun to hide on you when you take it for a walk.
38. Your five-year plan is still working just fine after 21 years.
39. All your clocks have a different time and none of them are right.
40. You use the sun but its wrong too.
41. You shower once a month whether you need to or not, and usually you don’t need to.
42. People come from all over every Sunday to see the renowned "changing of the flannel" day.
if you could relate to more than three call a doctor immediately.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Do you think mobile phones evolved from mobile homes?
Well that’s all our brains could come up with at this early hour...but hey, its some improvement that we could come with anything at all right?
Monday, May 01, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Since we don’t really want to tell everyone that we hated the new Pride and Prejudice, we aren’t going to post a review of it. We just don’t want to offend everybody by saying that. So, we wont be boring you and offending you with our unbiased opinion in a review. And we most certainly will not be going on and on about how much we loath it as a Pride and Prejudice movie. Got that? Have a fabulous day!
Star Wars episode III is no longer at the bottom of our list.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
Our favorite “I love Newsy” fan.
Our favorite attacking stack of jacks fan.
Our favorite cappuccino fan.
Our favorite fan in the van by the river.
Our favorite poor unfortunate Oklahoma fan.
Our favorite air force cousin…oh wait, he didn’t leave all that information on this blog.
And for the other fan that wanted it phrased in true or false form: true or false, When a person has an age, a weight, and a name they automatically have a shoe size. Think it over Lily Pad, and good luck.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Please leave your name, age, weight, and shoe size in the comment section so we can know that sort of stuff. Or better yet, just leave the state you live in and we'll try to figure out a newsy name for you.
But please don't hold it against us if we can't...the staff
Friday, March 24, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
A far off place, (Canada?)
A Prince…or a man named Mr. Darcy,
A woman in distress, who may or may not know it, yet capable of getting out but just to clumsy to do it.
A one eyed mutt to complicate matters,
An evil twin/step-mother/bad guy,
A couple of extra characters, perhaps two silly sister’s?
A mountain to climb,
Rivers infested with crocodiles and blood suckers,
A few sentences dedicated to extreme silliness; it is not necessary for these sentences to pertain to any part of the rest of the story. (this particle item wasn’t on the list of things other great stories had, we added this element so that our story can be truly grand!)
One awkward moment, naturally occurring when the clumsy woman in distress throws a bucket of water on the Prince because he’s so cocky; and she doesn’t know he has every right to be cocky because he is, after all, a Prince.
A conflict, be creative. Please be realistic and don’t try to force a conflict between the silly sister’s.
A Duel…but try to remember we’re writing a child friendly story here. No bloody description of how the blade sliced neatly through the throat of the bad guy, or how when he grabbed his neck, the blood squirted through his fingers…nope, we don’t need any of those kinds of descriptions in our story…thanks.
A big black steed named "Tornado"
Or a white one named "Lightning"
A moment of great sensitivity….perhaps followed by one of those silly moments we recommended earlier.
Comedy, an extra character should step on a banana peal or something
Drama, at least one character should burst into uncontrollable, and insensible, tears every few sentences.
Alright, looking good! Get to it now! And once again, write only one sentence at a time and try not to comment twice in a row, at least comment as anonymous or Simon in between…but be good sports and let others play too. Have fun…
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Your silly daughters are going to be extra good girls. The youngest child will bake you a cake; the middle child will frost it. The favorite father will test the first bite; the oldest child will mash up your piece to make sure there are no special eggshells in it. The favorite brother will tease you; the favorite sister-in-law will be on your side. The favorite one eyed mutt will eat whatever part of the cake has the eggshell. The favorite brother-in-law will say happy birthday just as soon as the oldest child reminds him to. You can play with your food and have the last olive. But most importantly, the newsy staff will dedicate an entire blog to you, that all who read it may forever remember you’ve had your 14th 39th birthday.
Please don’t leave a comment, the favorite mother laughs heartiest when there are no comments on our blog.
Friday, February 24, 2006
It turned out to be one of the best classes they ever had to meet future important people in. There they met their future favorite sister-in-law and John Shuster. Yes indeed, it just so happens they were all often (at least once!) on the same team or, at least, curling against each other. And one time John was even the skip for the middle child and the youngest child. That’s right, the middle child had the great honor of being complimented on one her shots, while the youngest child had the very great privilege of being yelled at to sweep "HARD"…ah the Olympics bring back all those sweet memories!
Note: for those of you who are unaware, John Shuster was the lead on the Olympic men’s curling team who won the bronze medal this morning!!!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Walking around the block,
For best results do this outside.
Take a walk around the block…don’t go too fast and wear yourself out and don’t go too slow or you’ll freeze.
Now, if you’re like us, finding a block is the most difficult part of the workout. They’re not around ever corner out here if you know what we mean. And when the 911 people call and tell us there’s people stuck in the snow bank one block away we’re naturally unable to find them…but that’s another story…
So finding a block to walk around for this workout is our first, and now primary, goal. We recommend looking in a child’s room or nursery, but if there are no building blocks around, go outside and chop a small block off that annoying tree that’s still in the yard from Christmas.
Okay, now that we all have a block, set it down precisely in the center of your yard, and then precede to walk around the block. Don’t do it more than once though, unless you’re an advanced walker, you’ll need to work up to walking around the block more than once.
Always remember to workout with a friend…just in case you over do it they’ll be able to carry you back to the couch…you can pick up the block later.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
for the four man bobsledding team!
Now accepting applications for the last two positions. Spots are filling fast, apply immediately. Vigorous training has already begun, don’t lose anymore precious training time, apply now and join the team!
><>Team Newsy USA!<><
Saturday, February 18, 2006
1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55, 7:47, 10:10, 11:11, 12:12, 12:34. Seeing one of these times during the day is a special thing, but counting the minutes between one showing to the next borders on pathetic.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Naturally they needed to doctor it up just a little bit,
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Now this can be done two different ways, for the beginner, just turn up the heat and wait for it. If you have off peak heating, you may be waiting a long time, this is a good time to exercise your patience, but don’t overly exert yourself.
For the intermediate, refrain from turning up the heat, this will save you money so you wont have to work so hard at a real job and your workout will be much more satisfying at home. The first thing you’ll want to do is get the air circulating, this will bring the air that’s already warm down from the ceiling. The best way to circulate air is jumping jacks, but if that’s too much, just walk around flapping your arms, this will give the rest of the family their workout as they laugh heartily at you.
For the advanced workout, turn the heat down a little, and then run around in circles, jump up and down, flap your arms, and pretend you still know how to do summersaults. Continue those four things until you are thoroughly exhausted or feel like opening a window. We don’t recommend opening a window unless everyone in the house has been working out at the same level. But even then, opening the window would defeat the purpose of this workout and then you’d have to start all over again; and we don’t recommend doing the same workout twice. Unless it’s the getting out of bed one, or putting on a sweater, or swinging…okay, we recommend doing most of the workouts again, but remember, don’t ever do more than one a day.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Wednesday the first,
We were born under a wandering star...
Thursday the second,
Home is where the howard is.
Friday the third,
"You fired!" girl one with crooked finger.
"No! You fired!" girl two with snotty look.
"No, we’re fired!" both together with hysterical giggles.
Dreams dreams dreams, all dreams.
Saturday the fourth,
Yesterday, work was just a silly game to play. Now it seems as though it’s here to stay, oh we believe in Yesterday..."you fired!" seriously…
Sunday the fifth,
Go team! Go! What a stupid call ref! Here’s some more cream soda. TACKLE HIM! TACKLE HIM! Ahhhhh no! SAcK hiM sACk hIm! Go for the touch down! You idiot! Losers limp! You’re fired!
Monday the sixth,
Bummer, oh well, cheers to the winners, and two for the losers!
Tuesday the seventh,
The silly sisters are finally resigned to their ten-x-ten foot jail.
Wednesday the eighth,
The beginning of the end; it’s all down hill from here.
Thursday the ninth,
Everyday it’s a getting closer, coming faster than a roller coaster.
Friday the tenth,
The silly sisters decided that they don’t really want to leave, for it has not be an unhappy ten-x-ten feet...
Saturday the eleventh,
Mental break down...oh, that can be terribly misread. What we were trying to say is, the silly sisters mentally tore down the booth for Sunday.
Sunday the twelfth,
Let the pacing begin...or rather, continue for another hour.
Monday the thirteenth,
The beginning of the 24 hours.
Tuesday the fourteenth,
Pit stop in the cities for the youngest child and the favorite mothers dates. Happy S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day) day everyone! Hey, all singles, buy some chocolates for yourself, you’ll cease to regret the action after a few hours of indulgence.
Wednesday the fifteenth,
What? Is no one home to greet us? Why are not we ourselves at home? By george, this is an out rage! That’s 36 hours...and we dare not predict anymore...and you’re all a bunch of cheaters for reading this all at once. This was a test! And you’ve all read it too fast...well now you’ll just be bored here for the next um-teen days...but we have every confidence that you’ll all find sufficient reading material elsewhere in the meantime.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
he he he he he ah ha he he snort he he...giggle giggle.
The poor baby will be classically conditioned to laugh whenever someone sneezes as a result of her aunts laughing at her so often. Don’t even get us started on the hiccups. he he he he he ha hahahhahhhhaa snort...giggle smirk...snort cough... coo.
Friday, January 27, 2006
During the course of this morning, that is, morning if you get up at 4am, our hill had the miss fortune of being too slippery for a van that was leaving. And rather than take that as a logical sign that the favorite brother-in-law should stay, dirt was tossed on the hill and the sleepy silly sisters were called to get their boots on. So now the icy hill has sun-attracting dirt all over it…sigh, just as the hill was getting good too! The laments being cried out by the middle child and the youngest child today are quite pathetic, the more so since there is no one home to hear them but the favorite one eyed mutt.
All parties in the next two weeks are now canceled, due to this rather tragic occurrence, until further snowtice.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
But besides all that, we have been hard pressed to get a good description of her. For though we know she was born at 9:01pm, 21 inches long, 7 pounds 5.6 ounces, we really don’t know anything at all about it!
The odds are in her favor though since she is a Mondays child and therefore much better off already than a Wednesdays child or a Thursdays child.
Congratulations oldest child and favorite brother-in-law. We’ll brag more on her beauty once we see her for ourselves and know for sure…
Oh and if you want to know whether or not she’s a girl, leave a comment!
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
…who would have thought so many irate fans would take offence over that…
At least the favorite mother laughed heartily.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
We don’t want this mental workout to be too hard so we’ll give you four(4) clues.
1. its not the middle child,
2. its not the youngest child,
3. its not the oldest child,
4. its not the favorite father.
oh and here's a freebe, its not the favorite one eyed mutt.
Now, if you can’t guess who it is after those clues, perhaps you should practice a mental workout more often.
And the newsy news letter editors workout today will be running from all the fans who were offended by the above sentence.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
There was something wrong with the youngest child(we have it on good authority that it was from smellin turpentine and linseed oil all day). During tea time the youngest child said,
"I'm looking forward to these guests coming."
The silence, after the initial crash of all the spoons clattering to the table, was touchable. The youngest child blushed to the roots of her hair (turning it a pretty shade of red) over being so horribly misunderstood. Trying to fix the damage she'd just done to her reputation she added hastily,
"The bugs! Maybe they'll like these people better and leave me alone…"
No one really believed her so the tale was told with great spirit by the middle child for the rest of the weekend.