Monday, April 25, 2005

This weeks post

Unfortunately, do to circumstances beyond our control and technical difficulty, we here at the newsy newslettter office are going on vacation and will not be posting this week. We are terribly sorry for any disappointment this may cause you.

Friday, April 22, 2005


To the Ignorant:

We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, do here by reluctantly propose a proposal for a plan. A plan unmade by the incompetent.

We, the unwilling, have put forth an effort to compose a modest letter on behalf of the proposal. On grounds based solely on assumption we do here by call the ignorant to the attention of which we feel we are psychologically due. We humbly demand that efforts, though unmade by the unwilling, should be respected and the unwilling individuals compensated accordingly.

In our modest misery;

Yours etc.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

This weeks workout is:

Running through the woods...also affectionately known as Hiking

What you'll need,
fresh air,
some dirt,

At top speed go running through the woods. If you don't have woods near you, use a couple of trees and just weave in and out of them as fast as you can. If you don't have a couple of trees, use a few house plants; set them apart at a convenient distance and weave in and out of careful if you're doing it inside(its not recommended).

To make this exercise more fun, smear some dirt on your face and pretend your hiding from someone, or stocking someone. Use a friend if need be, only don't tell the friend about the game, it'll make it funner.....especially when you go into attack mode. When the friend least suspects it throw a mushroom and run for your life. Keep your head low and you should avoid most tree branches. Keep up the workout until totally exhausted, then go find some food and replenish all the lost calories.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I owe, I owe, its off to work I go...

We don't mind working an 8 hour day, as long as its only once a week. Nope, don't mind at all. Call it job security...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Are the Suckers running?

Simple ways to find out if the suckers are running.

Well, you could just drive around to all the rapids, but that takes time...and precious gas. So we have discovered a new and much easier way to discover when the suckers are running.

What you'll need:
A room full of people
A door

Run into the room full of people, through the door, and yell(excitedly) "Someones giving away Ice cream!" If every one dashes to the door, the suckers are running. If only a couple of people go to the door, you may be a little early so wait a few days before going to the rapids. Good luck fishing.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Once upon a time, in the middle of a big forest.....

Gather round fans, its story time. Only this is a very special story, no, its not about Simon. We are going to write a story one line at a time. When we say "we", we mean you, our fans. The rules are you can only write one sentence per comment spot. No real names should be used, make up something interesting. Please help us finish this story, we here at the newsy news letter offices will sit in suspense until it ends happily. When it is all finished the staff is going to submit it into the favorite story awards; if we win you can all have a chocolate on us.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Until then...

Until inspiration hits us, this is all you're going to get. Our lives hold very few distictions but in light of the fact that the favorite parents hang onions in old nylons.....we concede our loss.

Friday, April 15, 2005

They are falling

Aliens exist! They are clever little things too. We now know what they call themselves and where they live. Just recently the remains of one of their air crafts was found by the two nerds(the ones no one will claim). It had a high tech parachute that must have been discharged after the engines died. The parachute was orange with a long string attached to the engine......there was a note on it that said biodegradable. The little aliens must not be much bigger than two inches to fit into the aircraft. They left a last note saying that they would like their remains, along with the biodegradable aircraft, sent to some weather research place.....probably their equivalent to our organ donor notes on our drivers licenses. There was even a plastic envelope with the exact address, and no postage necessary if mailed in the united states. The little critters are lucky they weren't 3 miles north when they crashed or they may never have been sent home...or to research. The funny thing is they call themselves, "Weather Balloons" can you believe that? We here at the newsy news letter offices think thats a little tacky for such intelligent aliens.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The work out of the week is raking.
What you'll need is:
A rake
A lawn full of leaves or dead grass,

All these things are optional. If you don't have a rake use a long tooth comb. If you don't have a yard full of leaves and stuff, ask your neighbor if he'll let you do his. Or go to any old resort and ask them if you can "work out" in their yard for free. No one will turn you down guaranteed. If you don't have gloves thats okay because it never hurt anyone to have a blister....actually they usually make us feel pretty good about what we've accomplished.

At a comfortable speed rake for fifteen minutes. Then switch hands. When the yard is done the work out is over and you can go back inside.

To make this work out more difficult, do it during windy weather, or after you've worked all day doing other building a floor.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Floater floors

The youngest child and the middle child set out to build a floor. Here's helpful hints of what to do when you build your own floor at home. For best results, use only outside and on unevan tarrain.
What you'll absulutly need:
A really cool looking tool belt
A leatherman
A safe and clean working environment
Rusty Nails
Tape measurer
four hands

The last three things are optional. If you don't have a hammer, you can use a large rock. If you don't have a tape measurer for measureing the distance between supports, the youngest child suggests,"Just lay the supports about one of your foot size apart from each other, that way you can check it with just a step." Well the youngest child will help ya there. If you don't have four hands(your a freak) just take off your shoes and socks and use your toes. If you don't have nails......this project is doomed from the start don't even try, step away from the hammer!

The floor shoud be strong enough to hold a snowmobile or two and resourcefull enough to use all the old wood from the decks the demoliton child tore down.(You know who you are; and so do a lot of other people too for that matter, including those fire fighters). Its okay if you don't have that kind of wood laying around, new will work just fine; if you would like to hire the demoliton child so you can have old wood, well its a bad idea, but you can ask on the comment page if you dare.

Next, and going a step even further toward using up old stuff, the middle child and the youngest child strongly suggest useing up the old nails, which may or may not have come from the decks. Rusty or trusty doesn't matter as long as you have a sure hand and have someone else hold the nail. The middle child suggests' using a hammer, and "hit the nail on the head." The youngest childs suggestion for crooked nails, "Make sure you hit it over the straightest part, not necessarily dead center on the head." We here at the newsy news letter offices strongly suggest using none crooked nails.

Once you have all the nails you think you'll need, go back and find twice that many. Okay, now your ready to begin. Lay six eight foot boards flat on their side, not up and down. You'll know why if your using old wood. Then lay one cross ways over the top of the other six. Okay, good start, now take a break.

Now you can nail that first board. Oh, make sure its flush with the edges of the support. it should look like this, __/ maybe not quite that wide of an angle. Anyway, repeat process untill all your boards are gone or you run out of room. Be sure to leave a little crack between boards so you can lose things through it. And to let the wood breath. Nice job on the floor, perfect for a none heated doorless garage.

Hey, any handyman questions for our girls?

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Our Joy

He's here! A brand new(to us) bouncing baby boy car. The gender of the car took a bit of debating, but when we here at the Newsy News Letter offices heard the reason why cars are usually girls, we decided there was no other option. We heard from a source we deem reliable that cars are refered to as girls because of how difficult they can be. So we resolved that our company car would be a boy, and be as easy going as the rest of that gender. So far so good, but he doesn't eat very much for being a boy; maybe he's just nervous about being the new car on the block. He seems to be adjusting well; had a peaceful night after getting settled a little late. The deer took to him right away and since he's a male he's been very good about taking his turn. This paragraph should be read with a grain of salt and a dash of sarcasm. Any suggestions on nice boy names?

Friday, April 08, 2005

Spring slumps and summer dumps

Yesterday, we saw three geese flying south. It can only mean one thing; we all blinked and summer is offically over. Fall never looked so brown and colorless as this one. Can you feel the winter coming on? That breeze is getting a bit nippy. But then we did see five geese flying north. Do these five north geese cancel out the three south? If so that would leave two geese that really made it north and that would mean its still spring.....nope it can't be! We would have to change our whole way of thinking and thats just too difficult for a friday.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Second Day

Well, due to our extensive reaserach on the matter not discussed, we have discovered the rather fanominal fact that, Procrastinators get more done than the avarage non Procrastinator. In order to avoid doing something a Procrastinator will do everything else, and only when all else is done will he/she do the dreaded task. When all is said and done, only what is said is not done. Hnewsy Snewsy

Hey, can anyone remember the name of the seventh Dwarf?

Now this is Newsy

If you are wondering what Newsy is. We will tell you. That is if we can get enough respones. So please give us a sign that there is life out there. Yours truly The Newsy News Letter Office.