Now this is Newsy: December 2006

Thursday, December 28, 2006

To the middle child and the youngest child,

To get out of work two days in a row try any, or all, of the following…

1. Hide all the building material (we have found it to be most effective)

2.Bend a couple fingers backwards (actually it didn’t work very well did it?)

3. Insist on finishing your cup of coffee before you’ll work and take all day to drink it (sorry, this may prevent you from doing anything else as well)

4. Admit you feel the need to cook and clean (some sacrifice is needed….and chances are no one will believe you)

5. Put a sign on mothers new house that says “closed for cleaning until further notice” and then put wigs on the brooms and dance around the new floor with them.

6. Look busy and just walk around carrying a drill (works every time, hour after hour after hour…but it’s a boring thing to do on your “day off”)

7. Walk out to the house with your grouse guns and when everyone leaves tell father, “since no ones here to work, we’re goin huntin”

8. Get lost on your way to work…it is a very long way to walk…and up hill…

9. Pretend you suffer from snow blindness and start walking into walls and out windows (please use caution when walking out a window…it could be a very painful day off)

10. Or you could just tell father it takes all day to get ready for the newsy news staff Christmas party.

Good luck!! And remember, nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

What ever guys can do, girls can do better”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, spoken in true ignorance. We ran a couple of unbiased tests just to see if girls could do anything guys can do only better.

Hammering a nail:
Guy, four hits per nail.
Girl, 10 tinks per nail…and that’s an improvement since 100 tinks per nail.
Result of test 1: guys are better at hammering nails.*

Carrying one 4X8 sheet of chip board:
1 guy =1 sheet.
2 girls =1 sheet
Result of test 2: 1 guy is equal to 2 girls.*

Screwing in a board while hanging out a window:
Guy, 10 boards.
Girl, 1 screw out of 3 needed in 1 board.
Result of test 3: girl was afraid of heights and did not complete the test so test was invalid…*

Holding the dummy end of a tape measure:
Result of test 4. Both are equally capable of holding the dummy end.

Holding the other end of the Tape measure:
Guy “167 inches and 7/8ths”
Girl “167 inches and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8ths”
Result of test 5: guy is more efficient when time is money.*

*there are exceptions to every rule. There are guys who can’t do these things any better than a girl and there are girls who are more than capable of doing these things. But in a general way, (average girls vrs average guys) results are typical.

Note: Our title is not “What ever girls can do, guys can do better” if it had been, we would have had girly tests on what girls can do better(such as measuring in tsp). But oddly enough, we’ve never heard a guy spout off about how he can do anything a girl can do, only better.